


Friends Lovers or Nothing

by lordofthepringles



Category: Glee
Genre: An Absurd Amount of Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Feels, Kurtofsky Endgame, Lots and lots of feels, M/M, Multi, No Really It's Like Nothing But Angst With a Little Bit of Happiness Every So Often, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-06 07:48:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 46,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordofthepringles/pseuds/lordofthepringles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Kurt reconnect in New York City four years after the hospital scene. Kurt wants to become friends. Dave's only request is that Kurt not fall in love with him. Better said than done. (Now complete)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kurt was starving and had spent the last nine hours in the stupid library at New York University. He hated that he could never find what he needed at NYADA and that always required a trip to find some good resources for his paper. The only not horrible thing is that Dave was at NYU and worked in the library. It was quite a happy accident for Kurt that he ran into Dave again, actually. He was having fits trying to find any good sources for his music theory paper and he had tried finding articles and journals and books but he found nothing. Then he found a hit for a book at the library at NYU and then he realized he was in luck, because it was in the public access section. So he took the twelve-minute bus ride from his school to the library at NYU.

He marched into the library with his necessary items, plunked his driver's license on the counter, and then stopped in his tracks when Dave Karofsky was standing at the counter punching something into the computer.

Kurt hadn't seen or talked to Dave since everything had happened nearly three years ago, and he had no clue that Dave had even gone to college, let alone got into NYU. Dave just smiled and picked up his driver's license. He didn't say much to Kurt, other than telling him what the policy for new patrons was, and how long he could keep items and the renewal policy. He asked Kurt if he wanted a regular card for his wallet, or a keychain card, and in about five minutes, all was said and done, and Kurt had his card and was on the way up the stairs looking for the book he had found earlier that day.

Truthfully it took much longer than normal, because he was still thinking about seeing Dave at the counter. He looked really good, and Kurt was happy to see that. It was still weird though, seeing the guy who bullied you, stole your first kiss, threatened your life, and then ultimately turned out to be scared and vulnerable and just needed some understanding and compassion, standing in front of you after so many years apart. It didn't bother him though, he actually was glad to see that Dave was apparently doing well for himself. He just wished he had been prepared to see him. Kurt cleared his head and finally found the book he needed.

He took it back downstairs, taking a deep breath, prepared to face Dave again. Maybe this time he'd ask how Dave was doing and try to instigate a conversation.

But, Dave wasn't standing there anymore. Instead it was a mousy looking little girl. He felt irritated, which surprised him. He never thought he'd actually be irritated to not see Dave Karofsky. He slid the book towards her and asked where the other guy had gone.

She said he took a break and would be back in a half hour.

Kurt sighed and took the slip of paper she handed to him.

"Your book is due back in 21 days, Mr. Hummel."

"Thanks."

He put the book in his messenger bag and headed outside. He really had wanted to talk to Dave, but maybe it was better this way. No awkward pauses, no stifled conversation and longing to be anywhere but that current conversation.

Then he saw him.

Dave was sitting on the steps throwing what looked like a hot dog bun to some pigeons.

He wondered if he should go over and say something or just leave and let the past lie where it was. Kurt didn't want to do that, he was curious and he wanted to know how Dave was doing.

So he swallowed the lump in his throat and walked to the steps where Dave was sitting.

Dave didn't look at him, but Kurt knew that Dave was aware of his presence.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Hey, David."

"So, what brings you to NYU?"

"I was looking for a book for my paper on music theory. NYADA didn't have what I needed."  
"Oh, well I'm glad you found it."

"And what brings you to New York City, Dave?"  
"School. I decided to try to become a sports agent. Someone a while ago told me I should do it."

Kurt felt his chest jump into his throat at the mention of their last real conversation.

"Well, I'm glad you took that advice. How do you like the city?"

"It's alright, I guess. It's a little big, but my job at the library and my classes keep me pretty busy, so I don't really spend a lot of time out in the city."

"Would you like to?"

"What?"

"Spend more time out in the city?"

"I don't know. Never thought about it."

"That's no way to live in Manhattan, Dave. You have to go out, eat the food, go to clubs and bars, and movies, and plays and concerts and enjoy it."

"Well, I would, but I don't really have a lot of friends here, and I'd rather spend my time focusing on school work."

"Well, Rachel and I and her boyfriend Brody, are going to a concert tonight, would you like to come?"

"Kurt, you don't have to invite me to hang out, just because you think I'm pathetic and have no life."

"That's not why I invited you. I hate being the third wheel and besides Brody has an extra ticket."

"What kind of music?"

"Jazz."

"Alright. I'll go listen to jazz with you, as long as you promise me you won't fall in love with me."  
Kurt laughed out loud at that and Dave turned and smiled. Kurt could see the twinkling in Dave's eyes, and fuck if that wasn't one of the nicest smiles he had ever seen.

Kurt promised him solemnly that he would not fall in love with David that night.

The night was pretty nice and the concert was not bad. They ended up going out for a late dinner after the concert and Dave and Brody talked about hockey, who made the best Hulk, and who would win a fight a grizzly bear or Bigfoot. Kurt and Rachel sat and watched them in amusement as they talked about their upcoming auditions.

The night ended much to quickly in Kurt's opinion, but he allowed Dave to walk him back to his dorm and thank him for dragging him out of his dorm.

Kurt quickly hugged Dave and shivered as soon as he was in Dave's arms. It was a nice feeling. A very nice feeling and Kurt knew he'd want to hug Dave a lot more after that. But only as friends of course.

Dave left and Kurt realized he had forgotten to say goodnight. So he texted it to him instead.

Three days later, Dave was calling Kurt to hang out a block party a few blocks away. Dave was invited, but he didn't want to go alone, because he didn't know very many people.

Rachel and Brody came long. Dave was Brody's new favorite person and Rachel liked the new Dave. Dave brought Kurt a beer and a veggie burger, and they sat in the shade under an oak tree in the backyard of a random stranger's house and talked about Dave's classes and how much he enjoyed being at school. They talked about the horrible food and how their favorite gyro stand was six blocks away, but totally worth the walk.

They talked about how Dave had really gotten into alternative and indie music the summer before he went to school and he listened to a lot of Mumford and Sons and Wakey! Wakey! and his dream was to go to a music fest sometime in his life that was mainly that sort of music.

Kurt promised he would keep an eye out for concerts or festivals, and talk turned to Lima. Kurt told him about Finn being at Ohio State with Puck and Sam. Sam actually was playing baseball now and he was going to go visit Finn soon and take in an Ohio State game. Dave seemed very impressed by this and Kurt couldn't help but feel proud at making Dave ask so many questions. Unfortunately, he didn't know much about Buckeye football, so he promised he'd have Finn text him the details about the game.

Before they knew it, it was almost five o' clock and Brody and Rachel were going to the Opera that night.

So Kurt invited Dave out for his favorite Pizza at John's Pizzeria, and Dave agreed.

They spent the next hour eating pepperoni and pickle pizza, Kurt's favorite and large Caesar salads. Then Dave was once again walking Kurt home and giving him a quick hug, before heading back to his dorm.

Kurt wanted to invite him in, but didn't want to send the wrong message to Dave. He liked him and he loved hanging out with him, but he wasn't looking for a boyfriend at the moment. He actually had enjoyed being single after Blaine had cheated on him and Adam had graduated. He liked worrying about himself alone.

So, instead he wished Dave a good night and went inside. He couldn't help but wonder though as he tried to sleep that night if Dave would have liked to watch a movie with him.

He didn't talk to or see Dave for five days. Then Rachel was telling him about a concert in Greenwich Village by The Decemberists, so Kurt calls Dave and tells him it's his kind of music. So all four go and it's awesome. Kurt buys two c.d.s and gets them autographed.

He spends another dinner, this time, at a little diner in the village that served the best chili cheese fries known to man, eating off Dave's plate and looking through the album booklets together.

Dave excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Rachel looks at him with a huge grin. Kurt gets defensive and wants to know why he's staring at her.

She just shakes her head and then laughs. "Dude, you totally look like a married couple. You have a crush on him don't you?"

Kurt blushed and vehemently denied it. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Rachel just grinned wider, "Just admit it, Kurt. You want yourself a piece of Dave Karofsky."

"Shut up, Rachel."

Rachel was still antagonizing him about Dave, when he slid back in.

He looked between the two best friends,

"Do I even want to know?"

"No. She's just being stupid. Anyway, I have to go. I have an early audition tomorrow."

He pushed his way past Dave who looked confused and stormed out the door.

He muttered under his breath as he walked toward the nearest bus stop,

"I don't have a fucking crush on Dave Karofsky."

He ignored the butterflies in his stomach when he said it out loud.

He ignored Dave's texts and phone call for the next week.

And then he realized he had to return the book he had borrowed.

He took it to the library and handed it to Dave.

Dave didn't even bother to smile at him or anything. He just scanned the barcode, thanked him for his delivery of the book and wished him a nice day.

Kurt stood there in shock.

"Did you need something else, Mr. Hummel?"

The little mousy girl was there too and spoke up as she watched Dave and Kurt stare at each other.

"I, uhh, no, I guess not."

Dave turned around and grabbed his phone.

"I'm going on break, Mindy. I'll be back in a half hour."

"Okay."

Kurt watched him walk around the corner and out the door.

He followed quickly behind him.

"What the hell was that for, David?"

David stopped in his tracks and turned around. He looked pissed.

"What do you mean?"

"The Mr. Hummel thing?"

"What do you mean? I was doing my job? Would you rather I call you assface or jerk?"

"What is your problem?"

"My problem? I don't know. You barrel past me a week ago after Rachel apparently said something to you, and you then you ignore my text and phone calls. That's oddly reminiscent of another time you did that to me, so forgive me if I'm not all cheery and upbeat about you deciding once again, I'm not worth your time."

Dave began to walk again.

"Stop, David."

"Why should I?"

"Because, I need to apologize to you."

"Fine, for what?"

"For ignoring your text and calls. You're right Rachel did say something to me, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry. Can we start over?'

"I don't know, Kurt, because I really don't like this whole let's be friends, wait no, I hate you thing" we've got going on. If you want to be my friend, then fucking be my friend and don't treat me like shit, because you feel like you can."

"I know, I'm sorry. Just, give me another chance. I'll prove that you and I can be friends."

"Fine, whatever. We're friends."

"Try not to sound so enthusiastic about it, David."

"I'll try."

Kurt bought him a hotdog and sat with him on the steps again.

Kurt told him about his latest audition and how he thinks he might have a shot at an off Broadway production. Dave promises to come on opening night to see him.

Kurt smiled at the thought of Dave coming to see a musical, but he loved that Dave would do that for their friendship.

Three months later it was opening night of a very, very off Broadway production of Cabaret, and true to his word, David was sitting in the audience with Rachel and Brody.

Kurt lost himself in the production and was overjoyed to get a standing ovation at the end.

It was exhilarating and awesome and he loved every minute of it. He especially loved the gigantic bouquet that Brody, Rachel, and Dave had bought for him, and he totally didn't spend one fraction of a second pretending they were from Dave alone.

Then one of the local borough papers was there to interview him. The man was still asking questions when Dave, Rachel, and Brody walked up. Dave smiled at Kurt, who smiled back. It was nice to have his three best friends there. He almost stopped in his tracks when he realized it was true, Dave had become his best friend in the span of five months. He hadn't expected it, but it was a long time coming he guessed.

The interviewer then looked at Dave and Kurt and asked how long they had been a couple. Dave turned and smiled down at the smarmy reporter and told him they were not boyfriends, and that he was very single. The smarmy reporter smiled back and gave Dave his card and told him to call him.

Kurt saw red. He had gone from being happy and content in one moment to being furious and enraged with jealousy. And while that was not a new feeling per say, it was unexpected and unwarranted in the situation and even though he knew that, he still wanted to rip off the reporter's head and shove his bouquet of flowers down his throat.

Instead he told the reporter the interview was over and slammed the door in his and Dave's face.

He was still fuming when Rachel entered a few minutes later.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?"

"It was about nothing. I don't want to talk about my personal life."

"What personal life?"

"Shut it, Rachel."

"So, when are you going to admit to yourself that you have a huge crush on David and that the real reason you slammed the door in his face, was because that creepy reporter was hitting on him?"

"I'm not in love with him, stop saying that."

"Who said anything about love?"

"No one, nothing, just stop it, I don't need this confusion right now."

Rachel just looked at him and tipped her head,

"Oh honey, you have got it so bad for that boy and the sad thing is that you don't even realize how much he likes you too. Like really, really, really likes you."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, but I do. It's written all over your faces."

"Rachel, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but he does not feel that way about me. He told me when we first started hanging out that the last thing he wanted was for me to fall in love with him. That does not sound like a guy who is all, "I want, I need you, oh baby oh bay."

Rachel just laughed,

"I think you'd be surprised."

"Yeah, well, the only surprise I can think of is that he tells me he likes me and we start going out and then he dumps me for someone more athletic and more his type."

Rachel just shook her head and handed Kurt his coat.

"I think you're wasting time pining over a guy who would sweep you off your feet in a heartbeat and never let you go."

"Thanks for the input, Rachel, but I'd rather not risk losing his friendship."

Kurt stared in the mirror after Rachel left. He asked himself what his true feelings were for Dave.

He knew, but he didn't want to say. He had a crush on Dave Karofsky. A huge fucking crush. As he let those words sink in his mind he could a blush starting to form over his face.

Yeah, this was really bad news, because crushes for him were never short things and they almost always led to him falling in love and that would be breaking the number one rule Dave had put in place when they became reacquainted five months ago.

So he did the only thing he could think of, he called up Adam his ex, and ended up having sex with him in the coatroom of Adams' workplace.

Kurt felt disgusting and horrible afterwards and it still didn't diminish his feelings for Dave, so he invited Adam home with him and tried to forget about Dave or anything that had to do with him.

Adam became involved in Kurt's life again and Kurt slowly started finding himself desensitized to seeing Dave. Adam started hanging out with him and Rachel and Brody and Dave. Kurt tried valiantly to keep up his deal with David.

Then David came to him and asked him the proper way to flirt. He had met a really cute musician at one of his concerts and he had spent the whole night flirting with Dave, and he really liked him, but he felt he was bad. So Kurt gave him some lessons and all the feelings he had ever had for him came roaring back.

He couldn't do anything about it though, and with a heavy heart he told Dave his flirting was just fine and to go get his man. Then Dave invited Mac to join them for dinner one night. Mac wasn't a musician like the one Dave had claimed. He was the pianist at NYADA and he had stumbled into NYU's library also looking for a music theory book. He was tall and thin and was pretty, if you liked that sort of thing. He seemed to eat up every word Dave said. Kurt watched him like a hawk and grew to hate him.

They said goodnight and after getting in a stupid argument about school with Adam, he ended up sitting on the steps of the library by himself. He hated feeling like a jerk for using Adam, for being in love with his best friend who didn't feel the same way, and for hating a guy he had met once for actually going for it with the guy who didn't want him.

He went home and tried to sleep, but all he could see was Dave kissing Mac as they left the restaurant.

He finally got up, made some tea and worked on writing some music.

That weekend Mac had invited everyone to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend. His parents owned a lake house. So they all drove up together in Mac's Jeep and Brody's Suv. Mac and Dave rode together and Kurt was forced to ride along in Brody's car listening to Rachel sing "Memories" over and over to Brody. He wanted to kill himself. He also wanted to know what was going on in Mac's jeep.

The arrived on a Friday evening, after a delicious clambake and a bonfire on the beach, Kurt decided to go for a walk. Dave found him a few minutes later.

"Hey, I was looking for you."

"Me? What for?"

"Nothing, I just feel like we haven't talked recently. How are things going for you?"

"Fine. School is school and I'm ready to audition for another play."

"That's awesome, Kurt. Let me know when it is and Mac and I will try to be there."

"Great."

Kurt couldn't help the bitterness that seeped out of his voice.

Mac and Dave were a package deal now. So that sucked.

"Do you not want me to come?"

"No, it's just that I feel like you and Mac are always together, and I just feel like I've lost my best friend." He left the part out where he was in love with Dave and wanted nothing more than to be with him for eternity, because that would probably not go over so well.

Dave didn't say anything back to him so Kurt kept walking.

Dave finally caught up to him,

"Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" For a minute Kurt thought he might have actually said that last part out loud.

"That I'm your best friend?"  
"Yeah, I mean we spent six months together doing everything together. I sort of thought you were my best friend outside of Rachel."

"I had no idea you thought we were that close."

Kurt felt his heart drop. So, not only was Dave never going to be in love with him, he was going to tell him they weren't best friends and he was going to break up with him as a friend.

Kurt braced for the impact of the words, instead though Dave hugged him tightly.

"I'm glad you think of me as your best friend, Kurt. I've thought it for a while too, but I didn't want to be presumptuous and think you thought of me the same way."

Kurt sighed and snuggled into Dave's warm chest. For a second, okay, maybe (totally) a minute he let himself imagine that he was hugging his boyfriend on a beach staring at a beautiful sunset. Dave finally let him go and turned back toward the house.

"I'm glad we had this talk, Kurt. And I promise you and I will have dinner when we get back into the city and you can tell me all about Adam and how annoying he is again. And this time I won't roll my eyes and mutter that you at least have a boyfriend."

Kurt winced as the words sliced through him. He hated his life, and he hated Adam and stupid fucking Mac, and even Dave a little bit. Actually, he just hated himself for not even attempting to tell Dave how he felt.

The weekend was the longest of Kurt's life and by the time he left, he never wanted to spend another minute in the presence of Mac and Dave again. If they weren't making out, they were tickling each other and making Kurt uncomfortable. He had been so close a few times to telling Mac and Dave to get a fucking room, but he was there on Mac's dime and he didn't want to piss Dave off.

He suffered in silence for another month, and then it was time for him to perform in a production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. He was the youngest son. He was so excited, because his mom had watched that movie with him when he was a little boy. His excitement turned to sadness when he saw that Dave had brought the entire contingent of Rachel, Brody, Mac, and Adam.

And then he saw Mac and Dave kissing in the audience and it broke his heart. It went from sadness to anger, and he used that energy and fuel to aid his performance. When it was over and the last bow had been taken he went to his dressing room and refused to come out. He threw the flowers in the trash and when he emerged he ignored Dave and Mac and told Adam he wanted to go to a bar and get wasted.

At the bar, Adam finally broached the subject and asked him how long until he just admitted he wanted Dave and that it was over for them? Kurt smiled and said right now. They hugged goodbye and he went back to his apartment.

They were there looking concerned as Kurt came in.

Mac was the first to speak, "Kurt we're really concerned about you. What happened back there? You really had Dave and Rachel worried."

The condescension dripped from his voice and all the anger that had been coursing through Kurt before, unleashed like a river.

"Really? You don't fucking care about me. The only reason you're here right now is because you're fucking Dave. I see right through your phony act of being the perfect gentleman and friend to everyone. I know you're type. You forget that I went to NYADA too. I know your type. You're the type to sleep with anything/anyone that moves and when you get tired of Dave, you'll drop him without a second look and not give a shit, because you've found someone else to play with. You don't actually care about him. And how do I know this? Because I fucking am in love with him and the last thing I'd ever do on purpose it hurt him. But you really think it's been fucking easy for me to watch you paw each other and act like fucking newlyweds in front of me? No. So that's why I left, because even though I asked him to come alone tonight, he invited all of you. So, it sucks okay? To know that even though I'm in love with my best friend, he doesn't even value our friendship and that's why I left. Now if you'd all fucking leave, I'd like to go to bed."

He didn't even look at Dave as he ushered everyone out. He slammed the door after everyone left and slid to the floor. Well he had fucked everything up.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt fell asleep against the door and when he awoke four hours later, his back hurt, his legs were asleep and he wasn't sure where he was. When the events of the night flooded back into his mind, he regretted waking up at all. He got up and stumbled to the bathroom. He splashed his face with water and checked his phone. He had received no messages or calls. He felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. He wasn't sure what he wanted. Well he knew what he wanted. He wanted Dave to leave that asshole, come back to his apartment tell him he loved him too and then finally kiss him. But that wasn't likely to happen and now he just hoped it wasn't too late for him to apologize and claim he was drunk and that he really just wanted to be friends with Dave. He sat on the couch and watched his phone for an hour and then two, and after six hours of waiting for any contact, he gave up and went to bed.

Dave didn't call him the next day either, and after the six days of silence, Kurt realized it was over. Dave was in love with Mac, and chose him over his friendship with Kurt. It wasn't even that surprising to him. He had violated the one rule Dave had and hadn't even bothered to reveal his ill begotten feelings in private, either. Rachel tried to get him to cheer up and not give up hope that Dave would contact him and it would blow over, but even she had to acknowledge that Kurt's outburst wasn't exactly well planned and that Dave just needed some time to figure out that even though he liked Mac, Kurt's outburst did come from a place of love.

That wasn't very much help or solace, as Rachel continued to tell him that Dave did care about him, he just didn't know what to do about the whole situation. Kurt asked her how many times she and Brady had hung out with Dave since the whole incident, and he was crushed when he found out that they hung out every weekend and that Kurt wasn't invited, because Dave didn't want Mac to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

So Rachel and Brody started hanging out with him on Friday evenings, so that they could still be best friends. It was nearing the three-month mark of no contact with Dave, when he suggested that they go to a new barbecue restaurant that just opened a few blocks away. One of Kurt's classmates got a job there and offered to get them a reservation. So on a Friday evening in October, they went out for dinner. The dinner was great and Kurt enjoyed his banana pudding. Rachel suggested going to see a live show that was being put on by NYU. Kurt didn't want to go, because the mere thought of NYU reminded him of Dave too much, be he didn't want to piss off Rachel. So they went.

The walked in just as the second opening act was getting ready to start. It was a young singer songwriter named Erick Macek. He was cute and talented. Kurt enjoyed the act. He didn't really care for the headline act, which was John Mayer, but Brody loved him. After Erick finished his set, Kurt told Rachel he was going to see if he had any albums for sale and that he'd be back for the headline act.

He went into the lobby and looked for the table. Just as he getting ready to buy a c.d., he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"I know you hate this kind of music, Mac, but I like it, besides we got free tickets from Rachel and Brody."

"Fine, but don't expect me to enjoy myself."

Dave just rolled his eyes and they walked into the concert hall.

Kurt tensed up. Fucking Rachel. Of course she'd invited Mac and Dave to the show.

Rachel was always getting free concert tickets from her understudies at NYADA. Rachel was always cast as the lead in the school plays, and her understudies, almost always rich white girls with daddies who would buy them anything would bribe her with being "sick" for one performance so they could shine.

So this is what her sudden bout of laryngitis last weekend was all about.

He quickly paid for his album and headed back to their section. He had to beat them there, so that he didn't have to make it uncomfortable by squeezing in to their row.

He slipped back into the row and pretended to be in deep conversation with Rachel about the album when Dave and Mac arrived.

Dave hugged Rachel and told her they couldn't find their section and apologized for being late. Mac had a dinner he couldn't have gotten out of tonight and asked when John Mayer was supposed to go on.

Rachel assured him they were right on time and told Brody and Kurt to scoot over. Rachel quickly slid past Kurt and took the seat next to Brody, leaving two open seats next to Kurt on the end.

He fucking loathed Rachel in that moment, because he knew what was going to happen. Dave would be sitting next to him the entire night and would torture him with his presence.

Mac thanked Rachel for the tickets and greeted everyone. Kurt had been largely ignored by everyone up until Mac turned to him.

"Oh, I didn't realize you'd be invited, Kurt."

No greeting, just a "what the fuck are you doing here".

Kurt felt about three feet tall.

Rachel spoke up, "Oh yes. Kurt got us into that brand new barbecue restaurant by our school. It was awesome and I had an extra ticket, and Kurt is really into this kind of music, aren't you Kurt?"

Kurt's hate for Rachel started to subside.

"Yeah, I really do."

Rachel continued,

"In fact, I think it was Kurt who got Dave into this kind of music, right, Dave?"

Dave blushed slightly and looked away.

Mac looked back and forth between Dave and Kurt, who refused to look at each other.

"Is that true, David."

"Yeah, I guess. He took me to quite a few concerts last year."

Mac just nodded and took his seat, "Well I hope you enjoy this one."

Dave settled in next to Kurt, who immediately tensed up.

Even though they were sitting next to each other, Dave hadn't even said one word to him or acknowledged that he was in front of him.

It fucking hurt. Kurt wanted to cry, but instead he sat silently and watched John Mayer perform on stage. Rachel squeezed his hand lightly and whispered to him to talk to Dave, but Kurt wasn't going to break first. So he sat there and suffered in silence. John Mayer started to sing and play guitar and it wasn't as bad as Kurt thought it would be.

Then came the song. He had heard it before, but never really heard it before tonight. This song was about being in love with someone and having the relationship fall apart, and that being friends wasn't enough. The last part of the song was "Anything less than yes is no, anything other than stay is go. Anything less than I love you, is lying". Kurt tensed as John Mayer sang it over and over. He couldn't be in that room anymore. Not with this song and sitting next to the person that reminded him the most of that song. So he excused himself, quickly shuffled past them and all but ran outside.

It was a cool evening and he gasped in gulps of airs, trying to clear his head and get away from the suffocating presence of Dave the overwhelming weight of his feelings. He didn't even need to turn around when he heard a throat clearing behind him. Dave had come after him. Kurt didn't want to face him, but it was just as well that Dave saw his complete breakdown.

Kurt stood up and faced him.

He fixed his scarf, tugged on his jacket and then folded his arms. He watched Dave. They watched each other for what felt like an eternity, before Dave took a step towards him. Kurt stepped back.

"What do you want, Dave?"

Dave's face fell for a minute, and then he masked it and took a step back.

"Rachel told me I should check on you."

"Did she? And what are you going to tell her?"

"What do you want me to tell her?"

Kurt just rolled his eyes and tried to walk past Dave. This was pointless and he hated that the first time Dave talked to him in months was because he felt bad for him.

Dave grabbed his arm before he could push past him.

"Stop, Kurt."

"Why? So you can make me feel even worse?"

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I am worried about you though."

"Really? Now? You feel bad for me, after not speaking to me nearly four months?"

Dave winced at that.

"It's not like I didn't want to talk to you, but you don't understand."

"Understand what? I get it perfectly, Dave. You chose your boyfriend over your best friend. Or friend, or someone you tolerate. At this point, I have no idea what you considered me."

"You are my best friend, Kurt."

"Really? You ignore your other best friends for four months? Maybe, I should call Azimio and ask him about that one. Oh wait, you stopped talking to him after he got married to someone you didn't like."

Dave started to looked pissed,

"That's a low blow, Kurt. Azimio and I aren't talking anymore, because he was a fucking homophobe."

"Really? Because what you told me is that he was confused about your sexuality and wanted to know more, and you told him to fuck off, because he didn't immediately welcome you with open arms and offer to go to gay pride parades with you."

Dave threw his hands up,

"Fine, you want to make me the bad guy here? Whatever. I wasn't the one who treated my boyfriend like shit and then kick everyone out; including me after I claimed I was in love with you."

Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Okay, so being in love with you is my greatest sin, and apparently worthy of four months' worth of the silent treatment. I wasn't aware that was how it worked. Thanks for clarifying."

"I couldn't, okay? You may not get it, or don't care, but I like Mac, a lot. And he loves me."

"Awesome. I'm happy for you."

"Just listen to me for a minute. I know that you're upset and mad at me. But I won't apologize for following my heart and if you were really my friend, you wouldn't ask me to choose between you and Mac."

"Okay, so let me get this straight, I'm in love with you and instead of telling you or hoping you might feel the same, I'm supposed to just let you be happy with someone else?"

"You are not in love with me, and even if you are, I don't want that."

Kurt didn't think his heart could have broken more, but in that moment the rest of it shattered.

"You don't want me to love you?"

"No. I told you that when we first started hanging out. It's not my fault that you said you wouldn't and then did. If anything, I should be the one upset with you for breaking your promise."

Kurt was beginning to think it was Dave that didn't care about his feelings at all and the fact those four months apart didn't really upset Dave all that much.

"At least that would explain why you quit talking to me for four months."

"Don't blame that on me, Kurt. You belittled and demeaned my boyfriend, then kicked him out of your apartment. You really thought I'd want to stick around and cheer you up, because you were having a temper tantrum that I couldn't spend all my free time with you anymore?"

"That is not even close to why I was upset and kicked him out, Dave. The fact that you refuse to acknowledge that I was in love with you and instead ignored me for four months after I poured my heart out to you lets me know that you never really cared about me at all. And I guess I deserved it for falling in love with you, and believe me I have beaten myself up every day for that, wondering if I had just kept my mouth shut that we would still be friends. I can tell you one thing though, John Mayer is right."

"What are you talking about, Kurt?"

"The words to his song, "anything other than yes is no, anything other than stay is go, anything less than I love you is lying". I don't want to be your friend. If this is what friendship with you is like, just forget it. It hurts too much. It hurts knowing that even though I do love you, you don't or can't love me back. And honestly I know the heart wants who it wants, whatever, but you didn't even care enough about our friendship to talk to me about it, and get past it.

"You didn't try and contact me either."

"I texted you, called you, emailed you, and asked Rachel to give you at least three notes. So how is that not trying to contact you?"

Dave started pacing back and forth,

"Kurt, don't make me out to the bad one in this situation. You put me in an awful position and I'm tired of trying to justify it to you and Rachel and Brody. I want to be with Mac."

"Okay fine, Dave. You got it. You are not to blame. Everything that happened is my fault alone. Now please go back to Mac and be happy with him."

Kurt tried to leave again and this time instead of Dave grabbing his arm, he grabbed him around the neck and pulled him close. Then Dave was kissing him and Kurt thought he might die or pass out. He knew this opportunity was fleeting and so he grasped on to Dave as tightly as he could and kissed back.

It was glorious and everything Kurt had ever wanted out of a kiss, and then it was over. Dave pushed him away. Looked down at his shoes, up at the sky, and rubbed his head.

"I have to get back."

And then Dave was walking away.

Kurt felt like someone had poured ice water on him and punched him at the same time. He was devastated and watched as Dave walked toward the front door. Then he was livid. No fucking way in hell was Dave getting away with that.

He ran back as fast as he could and shoved Dave against the wall.

"No. Fuck you, Dave."

Dave looked exhausted as he stood there staring down sadly at Kurt.

"What now, fancy?"

"First of all, don't fucking call me that, you asshole. Secondly, how fucking dare you? You don't contact me for four months, then you tell me everything is my fault, tell me you don't want me to love you, tell me you'll never love me, tell me how much you want to be with someone else, and then fucking kiss me? Really? No. I don't deserve that. No matter what went down four months ago, I don't deserve this."

Kurt was crying now. He was so heartbroken, confused, and angry. This is not how he was supposed to be spending his Friday evening.

Dave's voice cracked as he tried to calm Kurt down.

"Kurt, stop. I know. I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean? You seemed pretty sure about ten minutes ago."

"I have always had feelings for you, Kurt. But I don't think that you and I would work. There is far too much history between us, and you will ultimately end up with someone who is perfect like Blaine or Adam. I don't want to hold you back from finding your true love, while I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I want. Mac is not going to be the last man I'll ever love or be with, but I don't think I could handle being with you knowing that I'm not the last man that you'll ever love."

"Why are you so worried about what's going to happen in the future? You don't know that. You don't know that I won't fall so in love with you that I decide you're the last man I ever want."

"But you also can't promise me that either. Can you? Can you tell me right now that you won't dump me for someone better like Blaine Anderson?"

"No. But you can't promise me that you won't dump me for Blaine Anderson either."

"Actually I can. I would never dump you for a hobbit or anyone else for that matter."

"Right. Seems to me you dumped me for Mac."

"I didn't dump you. We weren't together."

"But you could have been and instead you chickened out."

"I'm not having this argument with you again."

Dave looked exasperated and was looking at Kurt like he was a child and it pissed him off.

"This is so fucking stupid, David. You don't want to be with me, because I may hypothetically in the future at some point, want to be with someone other than you, so you won't even try taking a risk. That's pathetic. Go be with Mac and live your life of safety. I think that goes to show what a scared, little boy you still are and probably will always be."

Dave flinched at those words thrown back at him.

"Kurt, please…"

"I guess John was right, Dave. Friends, lovers or nothing. I choose nothing."

With that, Kurt hailed a cab and got in. He looked back to see an annoyed Dave. He rode back to his apartment in tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt spent the next three weeks auditioning for plays and eating dinner alone at night on the couch, while watching Downton Abbey on Netflix. Rachel spent more and more time with Brody and double dating with Mac and Dave. Kurt pretended like it didn’t hurt his feelings, but it stung. Knowing that they were going out every other night for dinners and concerts and plays, and Kurt was pathetic and alone.  
The end of the three weeks, he had finally landed another part and was busy preparing to open a new play about a father who came out when he was in his sixties. He played the gay son of the father, who helped his dad transition into his new life. He was very proud of this production and wanted his friends there with him.  
Rachel and Brody said they’d do their best to come. It was a limited run of three weeks and would open sometime in November and go into the first week in December. Kurt spent his time rehearsing and crashing into bed.  
It was finally time for opening night and Kurt was excited. He texted Rachel to see if she and Brody were coming to opening night and wondered and slightly hoped they would bring Dave.   
He was being called to stage then and two hours later, receiving a standing ovation.  
He looked out to the audience the entire night, but couldn’t spot Rachel or Brody.   
Then he got back to his dressing room and saw a text from Rachel.  
They were at one of Mac’s performances, but promised they would come see the show before the run was over.  
Kurt watched his phone and the audience for them every night for two weeks.  
They never showed up.  
He always got some excuse about how they were busy with Mac and Dave, or Brody had schoolwork, or Rachel was just too tired.  
He finally got it. He wasn’t part of the group anymore, or at least Rachel and Brody’s group. Dave had cut him out, when he had met Mac and decided he’d rather be in a relationship with him than have a friendship with Kurt.  
And that really fucking hurt. He wouldn’t cry though. He wasn’t going to let them win.  
It was closing night and a Saturday evening. He had done the matinee performance and was getting ready for the last show.  
He heard a knock on his door and figured it was either Alec, his understudy, or the stage manager with some notes from the director.  
He opened it to see Brody standing there.  
“Hey, Brody.”  
“Hey, Kurt.”  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Rachel and I came to see your play tonight, but she got a call from Dave and she had to go help him out.”  
“Oh, well, I’m glad to see you at least made an effort to come, it’s the thought that counts right?”  
Kurt knew he sounded pissed, but at that point, it didn’t even bother him. They were no longer friends in his mind and so what if they felt bad? They deserved it.  
“No need to be snippy, Kurt.”  
Kurt just scoffed and rolled his eyes at that.  
“No need to be snippy? Really? Okay, you’re right. It’s totally cool that I get the biggest opportunity of my career and when I ask my best friends to come watch and support me, they decide to hang out with their other best friend who I fucking introduced them to in the first place and cut me out entirely for over a month. You’re right, I don’t have any reason to be pissed. Please do continue to make me feel like more shit.”  
“Kurt, the world doesn’t revolve around you.”  
“Oh believe me, I am well aware of that one. In fact, I think you and Rachel believe it revolves around Mac and Dave.”  
“You’re really going to stand there and yell at me for wanting to hang out with my friends?”  
“Nope. Go ahead, hang out with them, have Rachel be a surrogate for them, be Mac’s fucking best man. Do whatever the hell it is you want to do, but don’t fucking stand there and act like I don’t have a reason or right to be upset with you and Rachel. And I’m not mad that you want to hang out with your friends. I’m mad that you suddenly decided that I’m no longer a friend that you want to hang out with. But I get it. No one wants to hang out with the gay drama queen who’s in love with his best friend.”  
“Kurt, I don’t know what happened to you, but you are not the friend that Rachel and I know. That’s why we don’t like hanging out with you. You are mean and bitter and quite frankly a selfish asshole. But keep it up, you really want to see what it’s like when Rachel cuts you out of her life? I’ll tell her that she shouldn’t talk to you at all.”  
“Really? You’re going to tell your girlfriend to stop talking to and stop seeing someone she’s already not talking to or seeing. I think she’s already doing that one, Brody.”  
“I don’t like this version of you, Kurt.”  
“I don’t either, but hey the good news is that you’re already not talking to or hanging out with me, so you don’t have to be around this version of me.”  
Brody just shook his head sadly and walked away.  
Kurt finished his play, took his bow and then walked into his dressing room.  
He saw a note on his stand and read it.  
Kurt,  
Brody and I do care about you. I know that this situation with Dave and Mac has been hard, but you have to stop moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. I love you. A lot. And as your best friend, because you don’t get to just decide I’m not your best friend anymore, I’m giving you time and space, because I know you too well. Go on a vacation, go get laid, go do something that will get you back on track, because you are too beautiful and talented and fucking amazing to let something like unrequited love hold you back. P.S. you were amazing tonight and I have never been more proud of my best friend.

Kisses,  
Rachel

Kurt sighed and slumped forward. He looked at himself in the vanity mirror and realized Rachel was right. This was fucking stupid. He didn’t need to feel sorry for himself. So what if Dave didn’t want him? There were other guys in New York City. Hot guys, who had asked him out over the past few months. And a really hot understudy, who flirted with him every time they were in the room together.  
So he got up and found his director, who gave him Jeff’s number.  
An hour later he was having drinks with Jeff, which led to fucking amazing sex and a hot shower, which was followed by breakfast.  
Jeff was hilarious and hot and the best part, he got Kurt.   
A week later, Kurt was feeling much better about everything, the situation with Dave, and his new relationship or whatever it was, and he decided it was time to go back in public.  
So he called up Jeff and got a reservation at the barbecue restaurant from months earlier and he enjoyed a fabulous date with fantastic company.  
He was so engrossed in his conversation with Jeff about whether or not a book series they were both reading could ever be made into a theater production or movie that he didn’t notice Rachel, Brody, Dave, and Mac walk in.  
Rachel made sure that she stopped over at his table.  
Kurt groaned and turned to face the contingent heading his way.  
Kurt apologized to Jeff and said that his friends were on their way over.  
Jeff just smiled and stood when they reached the table.  
Rachel stepped forward and grinned,  
“Hi! I’m Rachel, Kurt’s best friend. You must be Jeff!”  
“Hi, Rachel. It’s nice to meet you.”  
“I’m so sorry if we interrupted your date.”  
Kurt just gritted his teeth and smiled,  
“It’s fine, Rachel. Jeff, this is Brody, Rachel’s boyfriend, and this is Dave and his boyfriend Mac.”  
“Nice to meet you all.”  
Dave barely acknowledged Kurt or Dave, which irritated Kurt.  
Dave shuffled his feet clearly in a hurry to get out of there.  
Kurt turned back to Rachel and Jeff who were talking as if they had been friends their entire life.  
Fucking great.  
Jeff turned to Kurt and then told the group that they should just join them for dinner and make it a group outing.  
Kurt wanted to throw a temper tantrum and tell Rachel to go away, but he smiled and ground his teeth tighter.  
“Yeah, you should join us.”  
And then Brody and Rachel were getting the wait staff to bring a table and chairs for them.  
And then Kurt was shuffled to the side and Dave was being forced into a chair beside him and Jeff was across the table.  
And Kurt wanted to die.  
Jeff seemed oblivious to it, and Rachel and Brody were far too preoccupied meeting the new guy in Kurt’s life.  
And the more Kurt thought about it, the more he relaxed.  
Things weren’t falling apart. Rachel and Brody were making an effort to meet Jeff and Jeff was sort of perfect for him.  
So he smiled and took his boyfriend’s hand and Rachel sighed dreamily, and they talked about how they got together and Kurt forgot about the situation with David and the awkwardness with Mac.  
And even Mac seemed to be warming up to Kurt now that he wasn’t trying to steal David away.  
The only person not thrilled with the outcome of things was David, and Kurt didn’t even want to try and figure out what his issue was.  
The end of the dinner came and Kurt got up to use the restroom.   
He squeezed Jeff’s hand and dropped it and made his way through the tables to the bathroom.  
As he was washing his hands, the door opened and David stepped in.  
He shut the door and leaned against it.  
“You and I need to have a talk.”  
Kurt dried his hands and threw away the paper towel.  
“What do we have to talk about, David?”  
“I just want to know what this whole thing is.”  
“What whole thing?”  
“This thing with Jeff, Kurt. Don’t you think you’re moving a little fast?”  
“What the hell are you talking about? Fast? We’re on our first actual date, which you ruined by showing up and spending with us.”  
“Still, Kurt. It’s only been like a few weeks since you claimed to be so in love with me, and you turn around and sleep with the first available guy? I have to question whether or not you meant of what you said.”  
Kurt was getting livid at this point.   
He was actually shocked at what David was saying to him, especially after their last conversation outside the concert.  
“Seriously? You’re going to come in and tell me I’m moving too fast with my new boyfriend, after you told me you didn’t want me to love you and that you wanted to be with someone else? What the fuck do you want from me? You don’t get to tell me that you want nothing to do with me and then turn around and yell at me when I move on with someone else. And you have no fucking clue about my relationship with Jeff. He’s sweet and kind and he treats me well. We get along and I don’t have to second-guess my feelings when I’m with him. He actually does want to be with me.”  
“I never fucking said you couldn’t move on, Kurt. I just don’t understand what you see in him.”  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
“I mean, he’s nothing like me at all.”  
“And you think you’re the only guy I could possibly ever want?”  
“No, but I figure you’d at least go for someone who wasn’t a replica of you.”  
“I don’t even know what that means.”  
“He’s not your type, Kurt.”  
“And how would you know?”  
“Because I have known you since high school. You have a type. I believe your crushes on Finn, Sam, and me would be an indication of what that is.”  
“And there was also Blaine, Adam, and now Jeff, or did you just conveniently forget them because they didn’t fit into your stereotype for me?”  
“Fine, whatever, but even you have to admit that it’s a little fast.”  
“A little fast? It’s been almost two fucking months, Dave and before that it was even longer. Adam fucking left me, because of you. And you claim it’s too fast? No. You don’t get to tell me what too fast is. The day you told me you thought my love was worthless and unacceptable was the day you lost any right to give me advice on anything ever again. We are not friends, David, or did you forget that conveniently too?”  
“You may not be my friend, but I am still yours and I do care about you. I just don’t want you rushing into a relationship that isn’t going to work.”  
“And you know this how?”  
“I mean you are basically dating someone who is exactly like you so that you don’t get hurt. Real love is not like that and you should know it.”  
“Real love? You’re going to lecture me on real love now. Yeah, okay. Real love, something you clearly know so much about. Is that why you’re dating a version of me as well? I mean really, Dave, Mac is basically me, but meaner and richer.”  
“Mac and you are nothing alike.”  
“Really? Does he bitch at your clothing and hair? Does he make you eat better? Does he pick up after you and make sure you don’t fall asleep at your computer? Does he bring you lunch at the library when you’re working, because you sometimes forget to eat?”  
“I don’t know, maybe. Okay, fine, yeah he does. What does that have to do with anything?”  
“He’s doing all the things I did before you started dating, Dave. So you’re really going to stand there and tell me you’re not trying to replace me with someone else, because you’re afraid? I know you’re afraid. I know you think I’m going to hurt you, or I already have and that’s why you never gave me a chance, but I’m not going to dwell on it anymore. Whether or not you like it, I’m seeing Jeff now and I do like him a lot. You need to get over your jealousy and just let me be happy, like I’m fucking trying to do for you.”  
“I’m not fucking jealous, Kurt.”  
“Okay fine, you’re not fucking jealous. And I’m not having this conversation with you anymore.”  
Kurt heard Dave whine in frustration, and then he was being kissed again, and Kurt responded immediately, even though he wanted to resist.  
His head finally won out and he pushed Dave away.  
“You have to stop fucking doing that, David.”  
“I know, but I can’t help it.”  
“Well try harder, because this is not fair to me or to Jeff or to Mac. You know that if you kiss me, I’m going to kiss you back and that I still have feelings for you, but unless you’re going to change your mind and decide that you should be with me, I don’t want you giving me mixed signals and telling me one thing and then kissing me like that.”  
“Kurt, I’m sorry.”  
Kurt had tears in his eyes. He was so frustrated and honestly mad at Dave in that moment.  
“Stop fucking saying that to me. You are not sorry. You are confused, which I get, but stop treating me like I’m worthless and that it’s okay to jerk me around. It’s not. Decide what the fuck it is you want, and go for it. If it’s Mac, then marry him, but if it’s me, you better fucking make sure, because I am not doing this anymore. I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again. I don’t want to be your friend, David. It hurts too fucking much. So please, I’m begging you, just leave me alone.”  
Kurt could see that his tears were mirrored in David’s eyes and he just wanted to kiss him again and forget about Jeff and Mac and the rest of the world, but he wasn’t going to give David the satisfaction of thinking it was okay to treat him like that.  
He walked back to the table and asked Jeff if he was ready to go.  
Rachel looked at Kurt and stood up.  
“Do you mind if I steal your boyfriend before you go, Jeff? I need to talk to him about an audition I have coming up.”  
Jeff just smiled and nodded and went back to talking to Mac about his favorite composers and pianists.  
Rachel pulled him into the lobby.  
“What happened in there?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean David followed you in and then you stayed in there for a good ten minutes and Dave is still not out, and you look on the verge of tears.”  
“Nothing. We argued again, he told me I was moving too fast with Jeff and then he kissed me again.”  
“What do you mean again?”  
“I mean he kissed me outside the John Mayer concert and again tonight, and both times it was a mistake. I really do not understand what is going on his head, but I’m tired of being treated like I am just someone he can toy with and push around because he’s confused.”  
“Kurt, I know this is asking a lot, but you have to be patient. Dave is confused and scared. He just needs someone to fight for him and let him know that the risk and pain will be worth it.”  
“Wait, what? You told me to get laid! So I did. And now I’m just supposed to dump Jeff and fight for a man who keeps telling me he doesn’t want my love? I’m not fucking doing that, Rachel.”  
“You weren’t supposed to date him in the first place! You were supposed to have sex, not bring the guy home with you!  
Rachel stamped her foot and threw her hands up in the air.  
“You two are impossible. Fine, whatever, date Jeff. By the way, I do like him, but I think you know that I’m on Team Kurt and David.”  
“And I’m on the Team whichever gets me laid.”  
“You’re disgusting.”  
“You would be too if it had been as long as it was before Jeff, trust me.”  
Rachel just rolled her eyes and led him back to the table.  
David was back by then, but refused to look at David as he and Jeff said their goodbyes.  
On the cab ride back to his apartment, Jeff asked him who David really was.  
Kurt sighed and prepared himself for the impending conversation.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, who is David really? To you?”  
“He’s an acquaintance, I guess.”  
“When did you break up?”  
“We were never together.”  
“But you were in love with him at some point?”  
“Yes.”  
“And you don’t love him now?”  
“I think I’ll always be a little in love with him, but right now I cannot fucking stand him and would rather talk about anything other than David.”  
Jeff smiled and grabbed Kurt’s hand again and kissed him.  
Kurt tensed, as his mind immediately went to the kiss he had shared with Dave just a half hour prior. He couldn’t help but compare them, and of course Dave was better. He forced himself to focus on Jeff and kiss him back, even though he knew deep down his heart wasn’t truly into it. But it was better than the alternative of crying himself to sleep every night, knowing the one person he loved wanted nothing to do with him.


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt was actually enjoying his new relationship. He found himself missing Dave less and less and Rachel and Brody were making an effort to get to know Jeff. Rachel had even gone out to lunch with him a few times and had even hung out with Brody playing video games that Kurt would never see the appeal of. He did miss Dave, he wasn’t going to say that he didn’t, but it was quite clear from the lack of contact he had with Dave, that Dave didn’t miss him. Things went nicely for six months, he was starting to feel the pressure from Jeff to take it to the next level, but Kurt wasn’t sure, if they were ready for that, or if he would ever be.  
It was a chilly December evening a few weeks before Christmas, when he was sitting in a Barnes and Noble and drinking coffee, waiting for his boyfriend to join him for a date, when he saw him again.  
Dave had clearly been out shopping, because he was loaded down with shopping bags, and the sight of a flushed cheek and practically glowing Dave, made Kurt’s heart ache.  
Dave spotted him almost instantaneously and walked over to where Kurt was sitting on an overstuffed leather couch.  
“Hi, Kurt.”  
Those two words made Kurt want to crawl in a hole and die and to jump into Dave’s arms and kiss him senseless and Kurt realized he was still in love with Dave and had missed him terribly.  
Blinking back the tears he was sure were obvious to Dave, he barely whispered a hi back.  
Dave sat down beside him and took the book from Kurt’s hands,  
“Dummies Guide to Relationships, things not going well for you and Jeff?”  
Kurt blushed bright red and grabbed the book back.  
“Things are fine, David. In fact, if you must know, I was thinking of taking things to the next level with him.”  
“What do you mean by next level?”  
“I mean, moving in together. Our one year anniversary will be in about three months and I was thinking I’d do it then.”  
“And you need a book to tell you if you’re ready for that?”  
“No, I was just… why the hell does it matter?”  
“Because if you need a book to tell you that, then you’re not ready and maybe you’ll never be ready.”  
“Uhh, who the hell do you think you are? You don’t speak to me for six months and then tell me I’m not ready to move in with my boyfriend and that I won’t ever be ready? You don’t get to just come up to me and say things like that anymore.”  
“I am still your friend, Kurt, and I know that you’re not ready to move on with Jeff, when you’re still in love with me.”  
“You have a lot of nerve telling me I’m still in love with you, even though I am with someone new and am in love with him.”  
“You might love him and think you’re in love with him, but you are still in love with me.”  
“And how the hell do you know this?”  
“Rachel. And because I saw your reaction to me saying hi to you.”  
“You mean the one where I almost cried? That was because I didn’t want to see you, David. I am in love with Jeff and I am going to move in with him, whether or not you think it’s too soon or whether or not you think I’m in love with you, which I’m not, by the way.”  
“That’s too bad, Kurt.”  
“Why is that too bad? You don’t want me to be happy? You’re the only one who is allowed to be with someone else?”  
“I’m not with Mac anymore.”  
Kurt stopped dead in his tracks,  
“What do you mean; you’re not with Mac anymore?”  
“I dumped him. About five months ago, actually.”  
“You dumped Mac five months ago? And you’re just telling me this now? Why even tell me this now?”  
“Because I’m in love with you too, Kurt. And I have been since high school. You know that.”  
“I know that you’re in love with me? Well for someone who is in love with me, you sure have been keeping that a secret.”  
“I was scared. I’m not someone who just has guys throwing themselves at me. Before you and I started hanging out, the only guy that I had ever had feelings for was you. I had never had any other guy tell me they liked me, let alone were in love with me. And honestly, I didn’t want you to fall in love with me. I have read enough books and have seen enough movies to know that the person you spend time with you fall for, and I also know your history with Blaine and Adam and I know that you treat your wounds by finding someone new. I didn’t want to be your rebound, Kurt. I didn’t want to be the guy you were “in love with” for a few months while you got over Adam. Rachel told me when we first started hanging out, how you thought you were in love with Blaine, and then he cheated on you, and then you soothed your wounds by dating Adam, and then you broke up. And then I was there and we were friends and I loved it. Then you told me you loved me and what was I supposed to think? That you just suddenly woke up one day and decided, ‘hey the guy who used to bully me and the guy I took pity on by inviting him places in New York is the guy of my dreams and I want to be with him forever?’ I’m sure you felt that way about Blaine and Adam and I’m just another guy in a line, until you do find him. And I don’t fucking want it to be Jeff, okay? Rachel has been telling me for months that Jeff is there to replace me and that really did love me and that I’ve been an idiot.” Dave stopped talking and looked down at the ground.  
Kurt was wavering somewhere between shock, anger, and euphoria.  
And then he saw Jeff getting out of a cab and holding a bouquet of Kurt’s favorite flowers and in that moment he realized he really was in love with Jeff. He loved him as much as he loved Dave, and it was a different sort of love, but it was still love. He felt guilty then. He didn’t want to break Jeff’s heart and he didn’t want to break Dave’s heart, especially not when he had just poured it all over the floor for him.  
Dave shuffled his feet back and forth and Kurt realized he was waiting for him to say something.  
“Dave, you can’t just show up five months after you dump Mac to tell me that you’re in love with me and that I can’t be happy with my boyfriend. You could have told me this five months ago when I wasn’t in love with Jeff, but I am. What were you doing for five months? Why didn’t Rachel or Brody tell me?”  
“I asked them not to. I was trying to get myself ready. I realized that I still had a lot of crap and issues to deal with that stemmed from high school. I didn’t want to tell you back then, because I would not have been ready to be with you and I am happy now and ready to actually let myself love and be with you.”  
“It’s too late, David. I’m sorry.”  
Kurt really wanted to just lay down on the couch and cry in that moment, when he saw the look of despair cross Dave’s face. This was not fair. He shouldn’t have to choose between David and Jeff. He shouldn’t have to tell someone that he loved that he couldn’t be with him.  
“I’m not saying that I don’t love you or that I want nothing to do with you, I just can’t break up with Jeff, because you tell me five months too late that you’re in love with me.”  
“I get it, Kurt. It’s fine. We have really terrible timing, apparently. I’m sorry that I bothered you with this.”  
“Don’t say that, David. You are not a bother. Please, don’t shut me out.” Kurt wanted to hug him tight and reassure him that he cared about him and would always care about him, but David scooted away from him.

Dave scoffed at that, “Really? You’re gonna do the whole let’s still be friends thing? You were right, friends, lovers or nothing.”  
Dave stood up, grabbed his bag and pulled something out.  
“I got this for you today, I was going to give you this at Christmas, but since we won’t be seeing each other anymore, you should have it now.”  
Kurt opened the box and inside it was a painting. In the painting, there was a vase full of Kurt’s favorite flowers, tiger lilies. His heart caught in his throat.  
Dave cleared his throat, which were thick with tears, “I know you love these flowers and so I had your friend, Emma, paint it. That way these flowers won’t die and you can enjoy their beauty forever.”  
Kurt was so torn; he didn’t even know what he wanted anymore. He wanted to be happy and he knew he could be happy with both men, but he was so tired of being hurt and crying, so he made up his mind.  
“Thank you, David. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”  
David didn’t even look back as he passed Jeff who walked into the store.  
“Hey babe, these are for you.”  
Kurt quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and went to greet his boyfriend with a smile.  
He thanked him for the flowers and decided he had made the right choice. He would be with happy with Jeff and Dave would find someone to love, eventually and maybe somewhere down the line they could be friends again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter rated M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because this chapter is rated M doesn't mean it's a happy ending. :)

Rachel called him the next night and tried to convince him to give Dave a chance and he tried to tell her that he loved Jeff, and wanted to be with him. Rachel sighed and gave up. He knew she didn’t understand it and wanted him to be with Dave, but he couldn’t keep putting himself through the pain. He felt like Dave had been right too. He was one to run from one relationship to the next, trying to soothe his pains, and he did it with sex a lot too. He tried to make himself feel better by going backwards instead of forwards, and he didn’t want to be like that anymore.  
And he was succeeding, quite well. He had made it to a year and a half. It sucked that he hadn’t seen Dave for nine months, but he was now living with Jeff and he was sure in the next few months, Jeff would be popping the question. Rachel kept hinting at it. By now, Rachel and Brody had come to accept that Jeff was a part of their group now, and wasn’t going to leave.  
And Dave, well Dave was now graduated from college and had moved to Brooklyn, he was going to graduate school and was actively pursuing sports management, and Kurt was happy for him. Rachel told him every so often when he’d start dating someone new, but Dave hadn’t met anyone he liked and Kurt sometimes felt bad and guilty for that.  
And then Rachel told him she had invited him to a party she was throwing and she understood if Kurt and Jeff didn’t want to go, but Jeff really wanted to and Kurt agreed. He figured enough time had passed and he would be fine seeing Dave.  
Rachel told him she’d also invited some of their old classmates and friends and he spent the majority of the party reconnecting with old friends, even an old crush named Pietr, a dancer from Russia. They had gone on three dates when they were freshmen, and had remained close friends ever since.  
He was wrong. Dave brought Mac and Kurt was miserable the entire night. He loved Jeff, but seeing Dave like this, always made him feel like something was missing, he hated being love with someone and loving someone else and he fucking hated seeing Dave with Mac. He barely said a word to Dave all night and was so ready to get the fuck out of the apartment. He told Rachel he needed some air and walked out on the balcony.  
The air was frigid, but Kurt could not get enough in his lungs. He knew Dave had followed him out, he could always feel when Dave was around him. It was like thick air and tension and everything heavy. He fucking hated it.  
“Are you mad at me, Kurt?”  
Kurt gripped the railing and tried to clear his head.  
He finally turned to look at Dave.  
“No, why would I be mad at you?”  
“I know you don’t like Mac and you never did, but I wanted to explain…”  
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, David. You can be with whoever you want, I don’t care.”  
“But, you don’t understand…”  
“Don’t understand what? I say no to you, so you just run back to your egotistical, manipulative boyfriend? And you tell me I have issues?”  
“Fuck you, Kurt. That is not what…”  
“I don’t want to hear it. Go be happy with Mac. I am happy with Jeff, and I plan on marrying him, so you can stop with the stupid little mind games or trying to make me jealous, because it’s not working.”  
Kurt felt awful and on the verge of tears, but the look that crossed David’s face in that moment was the most heart wrenching, devastating look he had ever seen and he felt like shit about himself.”  
“David, wait..”  
“You’re right, Kurt. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. Have a nice life.”  
With that, Dave left the party, without Mac, which surprised Kurt.  
He begged Jeff to take him home and Jeff agreed.  
He spent most of the night stewing about David and the whole situation, when Jeff slammed his coffee mug on the table.  
“This shit is so old, Kurt. It’s gotta stop.”

Kurt jumped a little in shock,  
“What are you talking about?”  
“This fucking pouting and whining after you see David. I understand that you were best friends and shit went down in the past, but every time you see David, you spent weeks being angry at him and talking nonstop about him. I have never seen you that passionate about anyone or anything, including me and it’s making me start to question whether or not you really want to be with me.”  
Kurt could feel his heart constricting, no, no this was not happening, not after he gave up the opportunity to be with David for Jeff.  
“That’s preposterous. Of course, I want to be with you. I wouldn’t have said yes to moving in with you if I didn’t want this.”  
“Are you sure? Because, I see how you look at him, after one of your fights. I see how angry you get at him and how much you fight with him. We never fight like that, you never get so angry at me that you want to pull your hair out. We’re easy and it’s nice, but where is the passion or the fight for me? Where is the anger at me for two weeks after we have a fight and trying to psychoanalyze why I said or did something?”  
“I don’t want to fight with you. That’s not the type of relationship we have. You don’t know this, but Dave and I have a history that goes back to high school and it wasn’t good. We fought, he bullied me, he stole my first kiss, and he almost committed suicide when he got outed and bullied himself. I told him I wanted to help him and be friends with him and I didn’t. I abandoned him and I made him feel even worthless and I still live with that guilt and I feel like I can’t stop being friends with him, not after everything that we’ve gone through, he doesn’t deserve that.”  
“And I don’t deserve this. I get that Dave has had a hard life, but the way you’re acting right now is not fair to either of us. You might be in love with me, but I think you are in love with him too, and I’m not willing to settle for half of your heart, Kurt. So figure out what is you want, who it is you want, and let me know, because I really do fucking love you with my whole heart. I’m going to go stay with my sister in Queens for a few weeks and when I get back, you either stay with me and we get married, or you don’t, but we are not doing this anymore.”  
Jeff got up and grabbed his things and kissed Kurt goodbye. Kurt sat on the couch for an hour trying to process what happened. He was so confused, because he did love Jeff and it would be so easy to just go after him tonight and tell him he didn’t need the time, that he’d marry him and be happy and he honestly believed he could be, but he was also so mad at David, for fucking his life up and making him ache and hurt and want things he shouldn’t want.  
He had called Rachel who got excited, until she realized that a very pissed off, slightly buzzed Kurt was not going to get his man, but going to break it even further and she begged him to just sleep it off, but he refused, so she gave him Dave’s new address.  
He found himself outside of Dave’s apartment in Brooklyn two hours later. It was three in the morning and he didn’t give a fuck if he woke up Dave’s entire neighborhood, they were going to fucking have it out and be done with it. He was tired of this stupid fucking game.  
Dave finally answered the door and looked in shock and Kurt.  
“What the fuck, Kurt? Three in the morning? You couldn’t wait another two months to fucking piss all of my heart? You wanted a second round?”  
“Stop talking, David.”  
Kurt pushed him back inside and slammed the door.  
“I fucking cannot stand you.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Seriously, you had no fucking right to tell me in December that you were in love with me and wanted me to break up with Jeff. None.”  
“And you had a right to do it to me when I was with Mac?”  
“Stop turning this around one me. You want to know what happened tonight after you came after me on the balcony? Jeff left me. He told me he wasn’t willing to settle for half my heart and I came to tell you that he has my whole heart now, and whatever I thought I might have felt for you is long gone.”  
“Oh really? You’re telling me, that you don’t feel anything for me anymore? You’re really going to stand there and tell me that you came all the way to Brooklyn to tell me that Jeff isn’t right and that you aren’t in love with me? I don’t believe you. You really don’t feel anything for me?”  
“Oh no, I feel something for you alright, that would be anger and hatred and unadulterated loathing. You and I are done for good.”  
“Well then, fine, leave and don’t come back. Because if you walk out this door, I’m going to move on and I will never look back. I don’t care if you break up with Jeff a week from now and you come crawling back, I will be done with this shit. You and I will never be friends again.”  
“Yeah, right, David. I find that hilarious. The guy who has pined after me since high school is just going to ‘move on’.  
“You really think that you’re so special that I should sit around and pine after you, even after you pull shit like this? You are not the motherfucking Mona Lisa of relationships, Kurt, you are a pain in the ass and a bitch to me at least 75% of the time, and you really think I couldn’t find someone else to love and give my heart to? Fuck you.”  
“You are so fucking aggravating, you know that? I’m a pain in the ass? You’re the one who made me fall in love with you, and then rubbed it in my face every fucking chance he got. You’re the one who left me flat for six months while you were with the ‘love of your life’, and the one who came to me begging me for a chance after you broke my fucking heart. An then you showed up tonight with Mac again to rub it in my face that because I said no, you’re back with him? You really think you’re not culpable in this mess?”

“I know I am, fancy. But you should know that Mac and I are not together. He was there because Rachel was trying to hook Mac and Pietr up. You really think I’d get back together with him? You were right about him. There, is that what you were waiting on me to say? He was a fucking douche who cheated on me and broke my heart. I admitted you and you were right. You don’t think I don’t know what our relationship would be like? If this is any indication, it mean it will be fucking messy and hurt a lot, but I’m not scared anymore, I’m willing to fight with you, and be broken for you, if it means that I get to be with you, the way that I want.”  
“Oh really? I’m such a pain in the ass, but you’d put up with me anyway, because your such a saint, fuck you.”  
By this time, his face is mere inches away from Dave’s and their breathing heavily and Kurt isn’t thinking and then he’s kissing Dave, and Dave is kissing him back.  
And he’s being spun around and pressed against the wall and Dave’s tongue is in his mouth and his cock is now hard and leaking and he just wants to get Dave out of his system. This isn’t about love or tenderness or even kindness, it’s about satisfying his wants and needs.  
And he tells Dave to get his clothes off and he figures if Dave doesn’t want this to happen he’ll say no, but figures Dave wants this too.  
He lets Dave take him to his bed and when he feels Dave’s mouth on him, he tells himself even if it’s the best, blowjob he’s ever received this is a one-time thing. He is going back to Jeff and forgetting about this fucking messed up relationship with Dave. It didn’t work in high school and it doesn’t work now.  
And when Dave is rimming him and preparing him and worshipping him with his tongue and whispering endearments in his skin, he doesn’t let the tears escape his eyelids. He enjoys it for what it is, closure.  
And then he’s being fucked hard and he convinces himself that his cries are about the pressure on his prostate, not the feelings that Dave stirs inside of him, has always stirred inside of him.  
Then he’s coming and he doesn’t quite expect it, and it’s hot and he’s trying to catch his breath and he tells Dave to stop and he knows that Dave hasn’t come yet, and in that moment he doesn’t care. He just wants out of the room, out of the apartment, to be far away from David, because he was wrong, once would never be enough, but didn’t want to commit to David, knowing that at any moment, they could fight and it would be the end. He knows then, he needs to get therapy, he needs to find himself and he’s not being fair to David or Jeff or even himself.  
Dave is so concerned, thinking he injured Kurt and is apologizing and is close to tears and Kurt just wants to tell him it’s nothing like that, but he doesn’t, he lets Dave feel like shit, as he gets dressed.  
Dave comes up behind him and asks him one simple question,  
“So this is what you choose? This is it?”  
“No, David. This is not it. You really think we’ll ever be over?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I need to go take care of myself for a while. You were right, I am fucked up and I don’t want to be. I want to be able to say that I love you and say that I won’t leave you. But I can’t right now, and that’s not fair to you or Jeff.”  
“Jeff.”  
“I really do love him, David, and I can’t just end things like that. I don’t want to be that guy who leaves someone and then jumps into something new. You don’t deserve to be anyone’s rebound, especially not mine, especially when I know what we could be, what you want for us to be and I can’t give that to you right now. And I’m sorry.”  
“So where does that leave us?”  
“I don’t know. I can’t give you that answer right now. I can tell you that I do love you and I will always love you, but I can’t be with your right now and if that day comes, I will find you and tell you what you need to hear from me, but please don’t wait around for that day.”  
Dave just shrugged his shoulders, “I can’t promise you anything, but I’ll try.”  
Kurt pulls Dave in and kisses him goodbye, and he can taste the mix of tears on his lips and he just wants to stay and tell him he’ll give him the rest of the night, but that’s not enough for either of them. So he says goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt goes back to fashion school and two years later, finishes at Parsons, he went back to Jeff, three months after that night and things had been going great. He was in therapy, and he was starting to slowly come to terms with everything that happened in his life. He realized he had a lot of residual anger from his mom dying and from high school and he realized that while he loved David, he owed it to himself to get better and to find true happiness, and not rely on any man to fill that void.

And Jeff was so understanding, he always reminded Kurt about appointments and would even walk him to some. Kurt loved that Jeff was so sweet and caring and he found himself visualizing a future with him, but Dave was never far from his mind. He had made sure that they he called Dave at least once a month and in the four years they had been apart, he had seen him at least ten times. Each time, Dave was dating someone new and different and each time it got a little bit easier for Kurt to handle. Dave really was making an effort to move on, and Kurt had to do the same.

At his graduation, Rachel, Brody, Jeff, and Dave showed up. He was so happy to see everyone he loved there and he congratulated a now engaged Rachel. She begged him and Jeff to take her old loft apartment and two months later, they were moving into their new apartment together.

Kurt was hired two weeks later as a costume designer for a new Broadway show and his life was going well. And three weeks later, Adam proposed to him at Rockefeller center near the ice rink. It reminded Kurt of Dave a lot, but he refused to think about another man on the night he was getting engaged.

He planned a huge engagement party and invited all of his friends and family, and Dave. Dave never showed up. Kurt was sad, but figured Dave would not feel comfortable going to his engagement party to another man, because it wasn't to him.

That night after everyone left, Rachel called him in a panic. Dave was in the hospital. He was not doing well at all, and the doctors thought he might be dying. And that right there was the moment when Kurt's world stopped. He didn't stop to think or tell Jeff what was going on. He was throwing on clothes and finding out the information and he was taking public transportation to Brooklyn.

He got there just as Rachel and Brody arrived and Kurt asked Rachel how she heard. Dave's parents called her, because they knew she was his best friend and she had to call Kurt. Kurt sank into the nearest seat in the emergency room and begged God to let him see his friend live. He couldn't lose him, he really did love him and he couldn't stand the thought of Dave dying without Kurt telling him that.

The nurse came out and said that Dave was stable and he could have visitors, but only one at a time. Rachel shooed him in the room and he sat down beside the bed. Dave looked awful hooked up to a breathing machine and so pale.

The nurse informed them that he was sedated and would be out for at least the next four hours. Dave had somehow managed to contract Scarlet Fever, by letting a very bad case of Strep Throat go untreated. His roommate Lily, the little mousy haired girl from the library, called the ambulance when he had collapsed at home.

He just wanted to cry seeing Dave like that, not knowing if he'd make it through the night, because the doctor wasn't sure if he would respond to the antibiotics or if he was too far gone already. He wasn't even breathing on his own and was hooked up to a respirator.

"What the fuck were you thinking, David?"

Kurt took his hand and rubbed it,

"You cannot fucking do that ever again. You will always go see a doctor. I don't care if you think it's just a fucking cold, because I will not have you dying from a disease that was from the 1800s. You are going to be like Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables and I'll be Anne. I will nurse you back to health if it means that you will live, okay? We can take walks in Central Park and you can pick on me and tease me and call me names like the old days and I won't get mad at stomp off, okay, maybe I will, but you'll follow after me and we'll make up and I cannot lose you, so you don't dare fucking die on me, okay?"

Kurt was sobbing into Dave's hand and he couldn't stop himself. He just wanted this pain in his heart to go away, he didn't want to think about Dave dying or not being able to see him and talk to him and then he thought of all the time he wasted being mad at Dave and pushing him away and not talking to him and telling him to go be happy with other people and in that moment Kurt knew that he would never be out of love with Dave and it's why his heart hurt so fucking much.

He went to find Rachel then and she went in to visit him. Brody followed a bit later and then Rachel and Brody decided to head home.

Rachel hugged Kurt, "We can walk you back to your apartment if you'd like."

"No. I'm staying here. I don't want to leave him like this."

"Yeah, but what about Jeff?"

Kurt flushed bright red. He had completely fucking forgot about his fiancée. He reached for his phone then and saw 14 missed messages and calls. He felt really guilty then.

He called Jeff, who practically screamed at him.

"Where the fuck are you?"

"I'm at the hospital. Sorry, I took off like that. It's just that Dave was admitted tonight and he's not doing very well. I had to get down in here in case I needed to say goodbye." Kurt knew his voice cracked at that, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to pretend to not be sad about Dave's situation.

Jeff lowered his voice, "You should've just told me. I would've come with you."

"It's fine, Rachel and Brody are here with me and we're going to stay the night, just in case."

"Do you want me to come and sit with you?"

"No, it's fine, honey, honestly. Just stay there. I know you have a huge day of work tomorrow."

Jeff sighed, "Okay, well if you're sure. I'll say a quick prayer for him tonight.

"Thanks. I know he'll appreciate that."

Kurt sat down and saw Rachel staring at him.

"What?"

"You forgot about your own fiancée?"

"No I didn't."  
"You totally did, Kurt. What the hell happened in the room?"

"Nothing happened. I was just sad about Dave."

"Don't lie to me, Kurt."

"Fine, I'm still in love with him, and when I thought he might die, I panicked, okay?"

"It's about time you admitted it."

"It doesn't matter though, Rachel. I'm engaged to another man I'm also in love with and I'm going to marry him."

"Okay."

"Really?"

"I'm not saying anything, Kurt. You marry who you want to marry, all I know is that you were so torn up about Dave almost dying you didn't even fucking think to tell your fiancée, the supposed love of your life, where you were going and you really think in the end, Jeff is who you'll end up with?"

"You don't have any idea about Jeff and I's relationship."

"You're right, I don't, but I do know what you and Dave had and it's something special."

Kurt just huffed and folded his arms. This was so not the time for this conversation.

Then the nurse was running out of Dave's room and doctors were everywhere and Kurt's heart dropped. Dave died, Dave's dying right now and he's not there to say goodbye, and he'll die never knowing how much Kurt loved him.

He refused to leave. Rachel and Brody stayed and they waited for forty five minutes to hear anything from anyone, and then the doctor was in the waiting room with them with Rachel handing the phone to the doctor to talk to Dave's parents.

He had contracted meningitis and a string of pneumonia as well as the Scarlet Fever. Things were not looking good.

Kurt refused to accept that.

"No. NO. Dave is not going to die and you will do everything in your power to make sure he gets the medical help he needs. My father is a congressman from Ohio and has been for the last 8 years, so you better fucking get back in there and take care of him."

The doctor flinched at Kurt's tirade; Rachel tried to calm him down,

"Kurt, just let the doctors do their job."

"What job? They are basically giving up on the man I love, your best friend I might add, and you want me to just let them? Because that shit will not fly."

The doctor put his hand on Kurt's shoulder,

"Son, I know that you love him and I promise we are doing everything we can, but this is a very advanced case, and we need to make sure he has the proper people here if the time comes. We are not giving up on him, he is currently being treated with the highest strength antibiotics we have."

Kurt walked around the hospital for six hours trying to wish Dave better and the news came, he had slipped into a coma and his brain was swelling.

And Kurt did something he never did. He went to the chapel. He didn't pray but he did sit there, he watched other people pray and light candles and when Rachel and Brody came in, he told Rachel to light one for him.

He sat there for at least an hour just wondering why Dave wouldn't get better, why he wasn't fighting more. He knew he could fight, hell, he experience that fight almost every time they were together.

Rachel tried to comfort him and Kurt brushed her off,

"I am this close to praying to a god I don't believe in to spare David's life and the last thing I need is to be comforted and told it's going to be alright, because you do not know that, and I don't want someone feeling bad for me, when it's Dave who needs it. Just pray for him. I'll be fine."

He begged the doctors to let him see Dave to talk to him, anything to get him out of the coma.

The doctors finally reluctantly agreed and Kurt went in.

He sat down beside Dave's bed and he looked even worse. He refused to back down though.

He yelled at Dave, he told him all the things about him that he couldn't stand and then begged Dave to wake up and fight back, to tell him how he was being a bitch and a pain in his ass and that he couldn't stand him.

Dave didn't respond, but Kurt remained undeterred. It was nearing the third day of Dave's coma and his parents were flying in and deciding on whether or not to let Dave keep fighting. He hadn't gone home once. He got a break from work and he told Jeff he had to be there for his friend. Jeff brought him clothing and food every day. Kurt refused to leave Dave's side.

He pleaded with Dave's parents to let him fight, to just give him a chance and they agreed. They looked into longer term care for Dave if he didn't wake up in the next few days. The fifth day came and Kurt was napping by Dave's bed.

The door opened and in walked a very handsome and tall blonde haired man. Kurt blinked and realized it was Sebastian Smythe, as in his former nemesis from high school.

"Gay face? What are you doing here?"

"I could say the same for you, meerkat."

"I'm here to see my boyfriend."

Kurt's heart dropped at that,  
"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Dave and I have been dating for the last four months. Wait a minute, I knew you were in New York, but I had no idea you and Dave even talked."

"We've been best friends now for about four years, and I had no idea you two were dating."

"I guess then you really aren't as close as you think you are."

"Well, I have been the one here by his beside every day for five days. Where were you? Off flirting with twinks?"

"I was away on business. I was in Jordan trying to secure a business deal. I found out two days ago and this was the first flight I could get!"

"Right."  
"Don't give me that, Kurt. I am here, because I am worried about him and because he is my boyfriend."

"Great, and I'm his best friend and I'm not leaving his side."

"Well, we see about that when he wakes up."

"Fine. We will see about that."

Sebastian took the chair on the other side of the bed and reached for David's hand.

"Hey honey, I'm finally here, now you can begin to get better. I know you were waiting for me."

Kurt scoffed at that and rolled his eyes,

"Don't listen to him, Dave. He's so full of shit; I'm surprised the room doesn't stink."

The nurse came in and told them only one visitor at a time and Sebastian pulled rank by claiming he was the boyfriend and Kurt found himself kicked out.

He was pissed and hurt, and so he went home for the first time in almost a week.

He took a shower, took a nap, and was just getting something to eat when Jeff walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, you're home! So what's the plan for tonight?"

Kurt shrugged, "I don't know, I'll head back to the hospital in a few hours, probably."

"Oh. You're going back?"

"Yeah. The only reason I'm here now is because stupid fucking Sebastian Smythe got me kicked out of Dave's room, because his 'boyfriend' or whatever. But that was news to me, so I have to question how close they really were."

"So you only came home because you got kicked out?"

Kurt knew Jeff was trying to hint at something, but at that point, he was too tired to figure it out,

"Why else would I come home?"

"I don't know, maybe because it's my fucking birthday today, and you promised me two weeks ago a huge surprise. Never mind, Dave is clearly more important even though his boyfriend is there now to take care of him; he also needs my fiancée as well."

Kurt shut his eyes and groaned, "Fuck. I'm sorry, Jeff. You're right and we can still make your surprise."

Jeff just shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not sure that I'm even the mood to hang out with you tonight."

"Come on, Jeff; let me make it up to you."

"Fine, but no phones tonight and no talking about Dave and his boyfriend."

"Deal."

Kurt slipped his phone in his pocket anyway, because he didn't want to left out if something happened to Dave.

They were just finishing their dessert when he felt his phone buzz. He knew Jeff would be pissed, but he couldn't help himself, he checked the message quickly. Dave was awake. He convinced a clearly pissed off Jeff to go with him to the hospital. He was so excited; he couldn't help but bounce a little as he walked toward the hospital.

Jeff stopped him before they entered, "I'm glad that Dave woke up. I hope you'll be very happy with him."

Kurt felt like a stone had just been dropped on his heart.

"What?"

"I'm not going to do this anymore, Kurt. This is enough for me. I've given you over three years of my life and I'm not going to anymore. You will never be able to give me all of you and that's the only thing I have ever wanted. I don't want to share you with Dave anymore. Just, be happy with Dave, and quit trying to go after other guys, because it's not what either of you want. I hate that I'm the one telling you this, but both of you are stubborn assholes and I'm frankly tired of this roller coaster ride, we've all been one for the last four years. Just go be with Dave, Sebastian doesn't stand a chance against you and you know it. "

"You can't just walk away, Jeff." Kurt's heart was breaking into a million pieces.

"You don't get it, Kurt. I have too. If I don't do this now, I will marry you and then when you realize how much you love him and want him, it will hurt too fucking much and I will hate 1,000 times more than I do in this moment."

"You don't know that, you don't know that I would walk away from you."

"Yes I do, Kurt. You've been doing it since we started. You give me 85 percent of your attention and there is always fifteen percent that's never there. That's every day, Kurt. And the days when you talk to Dave or he does something to make you mad, he gets 100 percent. You have never given me 100 percent, ever, even though I have begged you for it. You will walk away one day and decide that Dave is the man of your dreams, and I'm not going to stick around for that."

Kurt knows he's right too and he feels guilty and sad and so heartbroken. He can't do anything right, he always fucks up relationships. He just doesn't want to do that anymore. He hugs Jeff goodbye and fucking hates the feeling of relief and sadness that mixes together in his heart.

And then he's in Dave's room and Dave smiles at him and his heart hurts more. Dave tells him he remembers hearing Sebastian's voice and that hurts a lot. Of course, Dave would respond to his boyfriend over Kurt. He just wants to get out of there and go home and become a hermit.

Dave tells him how he and Sebastian met at a Cartel concert and they hit it off and they found themselves making out in the back of cab and they've been going strong ever since. He's really happy and he's so happy to see Kurt. He tells him Rachel had been by an hour earlier and told him all about Jeff's proposal and how happy Kurt was, and he was so glad they were both happy.

Kurt can't make Dave feel bad after how close he came to dying, so he just smiles and nods and wishes Dave a fast recovery. He doesn't tell him that Jeff broke up with him, because Kurt's still in love with Dave, or that he spent five days at his bedside talking to him and having one sided fights with him, and he doesn't tell him how many nights he cried himself to sleep, hoping and wishing and sometimes even praying to a god he didn't believe in, that he'd wake up and Kurt could tell him everything in his heart, but it was too late. Dave was with Sebastian and it was Sebastian who had brought him out of a coma. He couldn't fucking compete with that.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt went back three times to the hospital to see Dave, but it proved to be too awkward as Sebastian was always there. Dave was slowly getting better, though and for that, Kurt was grateful.   
He found out a week later that Dave was finally going to be released and could go back to his apartment. The doctors said he would still be in recovery for at least a month and to not work or exert himself too much. Sebastian all but invited himself to love with Dave, to make sure he recovered. Kurt hated the idea, but knew that Dave needed it.  
Rachel had a welcome home gathering and Kurt showed up with Dave’s favorite foods and some movies to help him bide his time in recovery. Dave hugged him and thanked him for everything. Apparently, Rachel had told him that he was there for him every night he was in the coma. He asked Kurt where Jeff was and it took all Kurt had in him to shrug his shoulders and tell him that he was busy.   
It was probably true anyway, two weeks after Jeff broke up with him, he was seeing a new guy. Kurt tried not to be bigger or angry about where he was, but it was hard. He tried to be happy for Dave and to let him be happy, but what he really wanted was to get Sebastian out of the picture and to be with David.  
David got better and Kurt was happy for his friend. He wanted Dave to have a good life, even if it meant being with an asshole like Sebastian Smythe.   
Three weeks after David was finally given the okay to return to work, Kurt received a call from Blaine. It had been at least four years since Blaine had contacted him, and Kurt was a little worried. Blaine wanted to get together for coffee and talk. Kurt wanted to throw his phone in the Hudson River and tell Blaine to fuck off, but instead, he agreed. He didn’t even know why.  
And then it was the next week on a Wednesday night and he was having his favorite coffee with his first love. Blaine asked him how he was doing and they mad general chitchat. Then Blaine took Kurt’s hand and said,   
“Let me cut to the chase, Kurt. I’m not happy. And I don’t think you are either. I think we should fix that.”  
“What do you mean I’m not happy? You haven’t seen me in four years, how would you even know that?”  
“Rachel told me.”  
“You and Rachel still talk?”  
“Yeah. She called me about four months ago. She told me that Sebastian had started dating David.”  
“So?”  
“You know that Sebastian and I dated for a year after we broke up.”  
“I also know that you dumped him for a singer from Pennsylvania.”  
“That’s not true. He wanted me to marry him and I told him I wasn’t ready. So he left me.”  
“What does this have to do with me?”  
“I know that you aren’t seeing anyone and haven’t been happy since your fiancée left you for another guy. Also another thing that Rachel told me and I want Sebastian back.”  
“And you want me to do what exactly?”  
“I want you to team up with me to split up Dave and Sebastian. I know that you and Dave are now friends and that Dave has had a thing for you since high school. It can’t be that hard to come between them.”  
“So you want me to break up my best friend and his boyfriend to help you, my ex who cheated on me?”  
“It’s fine if you don’t think you can, Kurt. I just know that it would be a challenge and the Kurt I know would never back down from a challenge.”  
Kurt placed his coffee mug a little too forcefully on the table,  
“So now you’re going to try and manipulate me into breaking up Dave and Sebastian, so that you can get back together with that fucking meerkat?”  
“Just say yes, Kurt. I know that you don’t like Sebastian and there is no way you’d be okay with your best friend and someone you hate getting married.”  
“I can’t do that to David, Blaine. He would never forgive me if I broke up his relationship to Sebastian, because I didn’t like Sebastian. You’ll have to do better than that.”  
Blaine didn’t get a chance to answer however, as the bell over the door rang and Kurt looked up to see Dave and Sebastian walk in hand in hand.  
Dave looked at Kurt and Blaine and Kurt could see all the judgment and derision on Dave’s face and it pissed Kurt off.  
When Dave and Sebastian walked over, Sebastian just laughed and told Kurt to give up the stupid and pathetic mind games and that he couldn’t give a fuck less if he and Blaine were back together.  
And then Dave was asking if it was true if Kurt and Blaine were back together and Blaine was doing all the talking and assuring Dave that Blaine and Kurt were an item again and he wouldn’t be going anywhere.  
Kurt was confused and upset and as he went to leave for the night, Dave pulled him aside and asked him how he could go back to someone who cheated on him and Kurt’s only response was asking him how he could date someone who used to treat Kurt so badly in high school and it went back to Sebastian being there for Dave during his illness and bringing him out of his coma. And that stung, because Kurt had also been there and had read to him and talked to him and Dave would never know.”  
Kurt promised Dave that he could handle himself and his relationships from now on and Dave should stay out of it, just like he was letting him make his own mistakes with Sebastian. Dave grew offended by that and stormed off.  
Blaine apologized later for springing it on him, but he needs to be with Sebastian and Kurt needs to get out of his funk and he’ offering to take Kurt on dates and to concerts and to basically be the perfect boyfriend so that he made Sebastian jealous.  
Kurt agrees, even though he doesn’t want too. He agrees anyway, knowing that at least he won’t have to spend another month or four months alone, wondering what the fuck was wrong with him and why he couldn’t find love.  
They ‘date’ for three weeks, until Dave calls Kurt up and tells him that Sebastian is leaving him for Blaine and that Blaine has been cheating on hi for months. Kurt has to act surprised and he meets up with Dave. Dave doesn’t want to think or talk or do anything, so they drink until they are both buzzed and feeling good, which leads to a messy and hot round of sex in Dave’s apartment.  
Dave all but pushes Kurt out of the door after it happens and tells him he misses Sebastian and that it was a mistake. Kurt yells at him about choosing a guy who cheated on him. A week later Kurt is out with Blaine celebrating their ‘win’, when Dave comes to the same bar. He sees Sebastian there making out with Blaine and Kurt not paying attention and it suddenly clicks. He gets it. Kurt knew all along about Sebastian and Blaine and had gone behind his back.  
This led to more yelling and fighting and Dave vowing to never speak to Kurt again for ruining his chance at love with someone he cared deeply about. Kurt tries to explain, but Dave doesn’t listen. Kurt is left alone in the bar watching Blaine and Sebastian suck face, and the man he loved hated him for what he had done.   
Rachel and Brody couldn’t believe how low Kurt had stooped to get Sebastian out of the picture and took Dave’s side. No one would listen to him explain and he found out two months later that Dave was moving to Chicago. He had been offered a job in Chicago as a sports manager. He was finally realizing his dream and it would be far away from all the drama and the pain and the memories.  
Kurt showed up at Dave’s going away party. Dave barely acknowledged him and it hurt Kurt to know that Dave could leave New York City and him behind and not really give a crap. But before Dave left for the night, he pulled Kurt out on the patio.  
“I’m not sure why you showed up here tonight, Kurt, but I am glad you did. I think this is the right time for us to say goodbye to each other, for good.”  
Kurt knew he’d be crying by the end of this conversation,  
“I don’t want you to go, David.”  
“I have to. I have a new job and I’m going to have a new life in Chicago, which is what I want.”  
“So you really think you can say goodbye to me today and never think about me or want to talk to me again?”  
“No, but I have to anyway for the sake of my sanity and heart.”  
“You can’t just move to another state.”  
“Why not?”

“Because you belong here in this city doing what you love.”  
“You know, I used to think that too, but I don’t anymore. I think I’ll be happy wherever I end up and one day I will find someone to love and to be happy with and you won’t be around to destroy it, because you’re jealous that I am moving on.”  
“You really think this is about me being jealous of you?”  
“Isn’t it always, Kurt? You have now sabotaged two of my relationships and I’m not sticking around New York City for you to keep doing it. I asked you once if you could promise me forever and that you wouldn’t go back to Blaine and you told me you couldn’t do that. It was until you actually did go back to Blaine that I realized, you were just being honest, and I didn’t want to believe that. But now I know that you will never be able to commit to me all the way, and I don’t want to keep wasting my years on you, hoping that one day you’ll wake up and want to be with me forever. I deserve to be happy.”  
Dave walked away without another word or glance back. He was leaving for Chicago for good, and it fucking hurt.  
Dave moved away a week later. Rachel and Brody told him that it was so strange moving all of Dave’s stuff and shipping it to Illinois. It was so strange not to have Dave around to go to dinner with or see movies or concerts with and they missed him.  
Kurt missed him too, but he wasn’t going to screw up David’s life anymore. He wanted David to be happy in his new life. He deserved to take the chance after he had almost died.   
Six months later, Kurt ran into Jeff at a Christmas party. Jeff was single again and Kurt was lonely and after Jeff realized Dave was in Chicago and out of the picture, he asked Kurt out and six weeks later they decided to try again. Kurt found himself comfortable and familiar with Jeff and realized a month after that, that it wasn’t enough for him anymore. He dumped Jeff and decided he was swearing off relationships and focusing on work.   
And that’s when he got the gig to tour with the reprisal of Les Miserables on Broadway. It was a worldwide traveling production and he’d be gone for eight months. He took up the offer and spent eight months going from European country to country and traveling in South America. He took a journal and wrote it in every day about his hopes and dreams and plans and desires and at the end of the eight month trip, he had filled up three notebooks worth of stuff. He felt lighter and happier and more at peace and he knew what he wanted above all.  
He wanted a man who would make him laugh and smile every day, a man who would put up with his flaws, while still pushing him to be better, a man who understood the demand of his job, a man who adored him, even though he was a bitch, a man who loved Kurt’s friends and got along with them, a man who was a gentleman, and a man who fought for him.  
Kurt realized as he was writing his list, who that man was, but it was too late. He was living in Illinois and he was successful and was about a month away from a huge promotion and was dating a retired NFL player, who had just came out as gay a month before. David would laugh in his face if he decided to go to Chicago and tell him what he had discovered.  
So instead, he put the list on his dream board and hoped one day, he’d find a guy in New York City, who could be all those things to him and for the time being he’d have to be content being single.


	8. Chapter 8

Rachel was finally ready to set a date to get married and called Kurt as soon as he got back from his tour. It would be six months later and Kurt would be her person. Dave would be Brody’s. Kurt put on a brave front and a fake smile and waited to see Dave again for the first time in over a year. It was pretty okay for the most part. Jamie, the NFL player was really nice, he asked Kurt all about the tour, and Kurt found himself liking him, even though he didn’t want to. Dave seemed happy that Kurt was making an effort and later that night he thanked Kurt for welcoming Jamie. Kurt just nodded, even though he ached and was pretty sure his heart was bleeding and raw.   
The wedding plans come together and the time flies by, and then it’s a week and a half before the big day and Kurt is planning on throwing Rachel a fabulous bachelorette party, but Rachel’s only female friends are Santana and Brittany and they spend more time making out with each other than paying attention to Rachel and Mercedes is still in Los Angeles. So Kurt asks Dave if he’d like to come and he says sure.   
And then they are having dinner and Kurt has scheduled a full spa package night at a hotel in Manhattan, and Santana and Brittany are off in their own room and it’s just the three of them and that’ when Rachel drops the bomb.  
She doesn’t want to marry Brody. She loves him, but she knows she’s making a mistake and she wants to go back to Lima and tell Finn she loves him. Kurt and Dave both try to talk her out of it and she won’t have any of it.  
And then she’s drunk dialing Finn and nearly leaves him a very awkward voice mail, before Kurt intervenes and takes her phone away, and Dave and Kurt try to figure out how to deal with her.  
They tell her to sleep on it and in the morning if she still wanted to, she could call Finn.  
They wake up at 6 a.m. to find her packing her bags and telling them she got a hold of Finn and they were meeting in Las Vegas to get married and Kurt is desperate to stop Rachel from making the biggest mistake of her life and Dave doesn’t want her to go alone and so they both end up separately at the airport with a ticket to make sure she is safe and doesn’t do anything stupid.  
The flight is awkward as they got the last two seats next to each other, but they spend it trying to figure out a plan for how to get Rachel off the plane and back on a plane to New York City, without meeting Finn.  
But Finn shows up at the airport and then Rachel and Finn are making out and Finn is dragging Rachel to a waiting limo and Kurt is yelling after Finn to stop and consider what he’s doing to Rachel, Brody, and his girlfriend, Emily, who he’d been with for three years.  
They follow them to Caesar’s Palace and realize there is a huge convention and there are three rooms left and all of them have one king sized bed. Kurt doesn’t care and doesn’t plan to sleep there more than a night, so he pulls out his credit card.   
They track Rachel and Finn down and they decide to divide and conquer. Kurt takes Rachel, Dave takes Finn, and they try to talk sense in to them. They explain that they can’t just run away from the people they are dating and have to at least explain why and at the very least they need to really consider what this means.   
Finn is the first to realize what a horrible idea it is and leaves Rachel devastated. She sobs into her ice cream and watches old episodes of One Tree Hill, while Kurt tries to console her. Kurt calls in reinforcement and Mercedes drives out from Los Angeles the next day.  
Kurt and Dave both end up at the bar, trying to forget the events of the past three days, they both end up massively drunk and after doing karaoke and entering a dance contest they are barely upright and laughing at nothing and everything and someone, neither can remember who, says that Finn and Rachel are so stupid, you should only marry someone you love and then things go dark for them.  
Kurt wakes up the next morning with a hangover from hell, but grateful that he saved Rachel from making a huge mistake and then he realizes that he’s not in bed alone and that he probably had sex last night considering he feels something hard and throbbing nestles between his ass cheeks and feels hot breath on his cheek and a muscly arm holding him tight and he knows it’s Dave.  
He groans, because he apparently had sex with Dave last night and didn’t remember it at all. And then Dave is stirring awake and they both lay there in uncomfortable silence until Kurt realizes he’s wearing something he hadn’t put on when he left the room last night. It’s a silver or white gold band on his left ring finger.  
He sits straight up, ignoring the screaming pain in his head and quickly grabs Dave’s hand who grunted in surprise. Dave was wearing a matching ring and Kurt knew he’d be sick.  
He rushed to the bathroom and threw up. He felt awful. So while he had saved Rachel from making a huge mistake, he had not been able to stop himself.  
Dave went into check on him a few minutes later and Kurt laid into him and called him an asshole and an irresponsible jackass and Dave is confused until Kurt shows him the matching rings.  
Then Dave’s face turns white and Kurt’s puthed away from the toilet.  
Dave storms out of the bathroom and starts gathering his stuff. Kurt tries to talk to Dave, but Dave ignores him.  
And then Dave isn’t quiet anymore.  
“You really think I wanted to marry you, Kurt? Believe me the last thing I’d ever want is to marry you, especially in Las Vegas. I am with Jamie and I’m happy with him and this is not what I needed or wanted. You know we don’t work, so we have to get it annulled.”  
Kurt tried to think of a way to broach the next topic, but finally just had to say it bluntly,  
“Do you think we can have it annulled?”  
”Why the hell wouldn’t we be able to?”  
“Because of last night. We had sex.”  
“Uhh, no we didn’t. You took your clothes off and then passed out on the bed. I just took your shoes off and put you under the covers. Then I tried to sleep on top of the covers, but the air conditioning was on and I got cold.”  
Kurt sighed in relief, “So you mean we can just go get it annulled and have it be over?”  
“Yeah, and I think we need to do it now, before anyone else finds out.”  
It was too late, Rachel showed up at their door livid at them and telling them how they stole her thunder and how mean they were. Apparently, Kurt had thought it’d be a great idea to text everyone in his phone pictures of their wedding.  
Everyone knew, including Jeff, who sent it to Mac, who sent it to Rachel, who sent it to everyone in her phone, which included Jamie.  
Needless to say, when Dave checked his voicemail ten minutes later, he had been dumped and he refused to speak to Kurt the rest of the trip.  
He wouldn’t even speak when Kurt tried to get an appointment with a judge to annul their marriage and the judge told Kurt that there had to be equal consent to end the marriage and Kurt was left with a husband. A husband who hated him and blamed him for everything.   
Dave didn’t speak to him at all for a week, until Dave showed up at Kurt’s apartment and told him he planned on seeing other guys even if they were still married, but his grandmother thought they were cute together and would be visiting New York City in a few days and wanted to see her grandson and new husband and he was staying with him for a few days.  
This proved to be difficult as Dave refused to make things easy for Kurt. He purposely would reset Kurt’s alarms, wash Kurt’s new white dress shirt with a pink sock he stole from Rachel, eat all of Kurt’s favorite ice cream and leave the empty carton in the freezer and that was just the first two days.  
Kurt was reaching his limit when Dave’s grandmother Sue, arrived. Sue made them her famous chicken fried steak and potatoes and kept asking her grandsons when they were giving her grandchildren and Kurt blushed. Sue laughed at him and told him that she was aware that he couldn’t actually have any children, but she’d like them to have a family before she died. Dave just scoffed at that and rolled his eyes.  
And then they were playing Scrabble and Kurt kept beating David, who finally got pissed off enough that he took his tray and put it back in the box. He told his grandma he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go to bed. He told Kurt he wanted to talk to him before he did, and Kurt walked into his bedroom to talk to a very pissed off Dave.  
“You don’t have to try so hard to make her like you, Kurt. It’s not like we’re actually going to stay married or give her grandchildren. Just stop fucking with her and leading her on, because I don’t want her holding out hope for something that will never happen.”  
Kurt felt hurt and deeply offended by that.  
“I wasn’t trying to lead her on, David. I was just trying to give her some hope, you know? I mean you’ll probably end up giving her grandchildren with someone. I don’t see anything wrong with it.”  
“You wouldn’t would you? I mean why would you feel bad leading anyone on? I mean you clearly didn’t feel bad when you told me you wanted to be friends with me in high school and then never talked to me again.”  
“So we’re back at this again. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold up my end of our friendship, David. I have been trying to make up for it since then, but you won’t let me. And frankly, I’m tired of it. I’ll tell your grandmother tomorrow that we’re getting our marriage annulled and that you would be marrying someone else and having grandkids with someone else. Is that what you want?”  
“No. I just want to not be married to you, that’s what I want, but you can’t give me that. So instead, I’ll just take you leaving me alone until my grandmother leaves. That shouldn’t be too hard for you, considering you know how to do that so well.”  
Dave threw a pillow and blanket at him and slammed Kurt’s bedroom door shut.  
Kurt was too stunned to do anything but grab them off the floor and go back to the living room.  
Grandma Sue tried to tell Kurt to take the guest room, but Kurt just told her, it was a lover’s quarrel and they’d get over it. She patted him on the hand and told him that she hoped so, because they were so much in love and she was so glad that Kurt was making her David happy and Kurt just wanted to cry, because nothing could be further from the truth.


	9. Chapter 9

Grandma Sue leaves two weeks later after stuffing them with amazing food and embarrassing stories of David’s childhood and Kurt can’t help but actually start to imagine that he is really married to Dave for real and it wasn’t a stupid decision on their part. As soon as she leaves though, Dave is packing up all of his stuff and is ready to get back to his apartment in Chicago and his job.  
They don’t really talk for a few days until Dave calls him and tells him they need to get the marriage annulled and they need to do it as soon as possible, because Dave needed to focus on his job and hopefully getting Jamie back. Kurt agreed to meet him in Lima the following weekend and they met at the Lima Bean. Kurt’s last memory of the coffee shop had been running into Sebastian and Blaine there the previous winter when they told him they were getting married in Vermont and living there and Kurt couldn’t help but feel a bit blue, not because he still had feelings for Blaine, but because he was no closer to getting married. Kurt laughed under his breath at that thought, he was actually married and he had been married before Sebastian and Blaine. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the romantic proposal or a willing groom. He ordered a vanilla latte and sat down at a table near the back facing the back.  
He knew when Dave came in though, because he could smell his cologne and if there was one thing Kurt had come to realize he missed when he had lived with Dave for those two weeks as husbands for the sake of Dave’s grandma, was Dave’s cologne and the socks he left laying all over the apartment, or how he’d always make his coffee in the morning and then would rinse out of the filter and replace it with a new one, so that Kurt could make his tea. It was things like that that gave Kurt hope that Dave did care about him a little bit, even if he was mad at him for talking him into getting married.  
Dave sat down across from him and sighed,  
“You look like shit, Fancy.”  
“Thanks, David.”  
“Have you been sleeping?”  
Kurt didn’t want to make small talk with Dave, when he knew the only reason was there was to get his freedom, so he could go be with another man.  
“Listen, David. I know you didn’t come here to pretend to give a shit about me. What did the attorney say?”  
Dave dropped his eyes and played with his hands,  
“We can’t get an annulment.”  
Kurt thought he misheard Dave and asked him to repeat himself.  
“We cannot get an annulment, Kurt.”  
“Why the hell not?”  
“We got married in Las Vegas, so the annulment laws where we get married take affect.”  
“And what does that mean?”  
“It means, we have to live in Las Vegas for six weeks and show proof of residency in order to get an annulment in Nevada. I don’t have six fucking weeks to live with you anywhere, let alone Las Vegas.”  
“So what does that mean? Do we have to get divorced?”  
“I guess so, but even then it could take up to six months before we’re legally divorced and I know that Grandma Sue is going to hate me.”  
“Just tell her I tricked you into marriage and that it’s my fault.”  
“You don’t get it, Kurt. She fucking adored you. She thought you were the like the motherfucking fairy of hope and light. She still calls me almost every day and tells me how glad she is that I found someone like you and she’s forgiven me for eloping.”  
“I’m sorry, that your grandmother liked me. If it helps I can be an asshole the next time I see her.”  
“No, because she’ll probably assumed I did something and yell at me and then she won’t leave me alone until I fucking kiss you or something. I fucking hate this.”  
“I’m sorry that I got you into this.”  
“It wasn’t completely your fault, Kurt.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, the lady at the chapel we got married at sent me the video of our wedding and the pictures to my email. I think we were both pretty set on getting married.”  
“There is video of our wedding?”  
“Yeah, but you’re not going to like it.”  
“Why not?”

“It’s just that we chose a theme and I talked you into it and I’m regretting it now.”  
“Just fucking tell me what our wedding theme was.”  
“I think I have to show you.”  
Dave pulled his laptop out of the bag he had brought in.  
He started the video and Kurt cringed.  
He had on a powder blue suit with a ruffled shirt. Dave had on a yellow suit. They were the fucking suits from Dumb and Dumber. He was tripping over himself as they prepared to get married.  
And then the lights went down and the ceremony started and Kurt walked down the aisle toward Dave, when all of a sudden the spotlight went up on a Liberace performer. It was a fucking Liberace theme and Kurt wanted to drop dead of embarrassment. He had picked a Liberace themed wedding.   
He stopped the video and groaned,  
“Who else has seen this?”  
Dave hung his head in shame again,  
“Well I was really mad at you after this whole fiasco and so I emailed it to Rachel. She may have emailed it to all of our friends.”  
“Well, okay, I mean at least that’s easy to contain.”  
“You don’t get it, Kurt. She emailed it to all of my friends. Sebastian was on the list.”  
“Sebastian Smythe saw our wedding video?”  
“Yes and he in turn forwarded it to everyone he’s ever had in his email list.”  
“So?”  
“That includes Finn, Kurt. Our parents know.”  
Kurt wanted to cry.  
“Our parents know that we’re married?”  
“Yes. And my dad is freaking ecstatic, I thought he was winning the lottery or something and even my mom told me she was glad I found someone. My mom, Kurt.”  
“So what does this have to do with us?”  
“Santana and Brittany and Rachel have decided to throw us a wedding reception tonight and invited all of our families.”  
“So you want to go pretend to be married for one more night and then start divorce proceedings tomorrow?”  
“Well, I was thinking, maybe we could just stay married for a bit.”  
Kurt nearly choked on his coffee.  
“You want to stay married to me?”  
“Not forever, but just until this whole thing blows over and we can come up with a valid excuse for getting divorced.”  
“So what exactly does that entail?”  
“We do a long distance marriage, while you wrap up your job in New York City, I’m in Chicago setting up my new office and we see each other every weekend in Lima.”  
“So you want to lie to everyone we know about being married?”  
“I just don’t want to disappoint my parents or grandmother, Kurt.”  
“So let me get this straight, in order to make your family happy, you want me to put my life on hold, go to Lima every weekend to pretend to be your husband, so that we can get divorced down the road so you can be with Jamie?”

“It’s not like that, Kurt. You don’t have to put your life on hold. I don’t care if you see other guys and you don’t have to be in Lima every weekend. I mean that could be the excuse we use, you were just too busy with work and we grew apart.”  
“Okay, just for reference, you want me to be the reason we end up getting divorced, so that you get to look like the good guy?”  
“Kurt, it’s not a competition about who did what, we just need to make this look better.”  
“What? The fact that you and I both agreed we wanted to get married and then we did and now you’re trying to make up for it by deceiving everyone around us, is better? Honestly, I’d rather just own up to the mistake and move on.”  
“Yeah, but you can do that and everyone will just sigh and laugh at you, and think that I coerced you into it.”  
“Who exactly would think that? My parents know that you and I became friends, Finn knows it, Rachel knows everything. Who else is going to think that?”  
“How about every other person in Lima, the ones who have known us since were in high school? I don’t want to give them any more reason to make me feel like shit.”  
“So where exactly were you planning on having us stay in Lima if we’re both coming back? We can’t stay with my parents or yours.”  
“Rachel’s dad’s told me we could use their guest house.”  
“You talked to Rachel’s dads?”  
“They were excited about our wedding and wanted to help out.”  
“So, if we do this, I’m going to fly in every weekend to live with you in Rachel’s dad’s guest house and then fly back to New York City every week? And who is going to pay for this?”  
“I already put us on a frequent flier account with, Delta. I fly for work a lot and have already saved up enough miles for three flights.”  
“Alright, seems like you have everything worked out. I only have one other question. How do we deal with other guys?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean if I want to bring a guy home, do I take him to our guest house, or should I get a hotel room? And if Jamie comes to visit you, where do you go?”  
“You really think that’s going to be an issue in Lima?”  
“I’m just saying, if I meet someone, I need to know the rules.”  
“Fine. We’ll get a hotel room, okay? Take all of your lovers there and if Jamie ever comes here I’ll take him there. And I don’t give fuck where you take your guys when you’re in New York City.”  
“Great, and I don’t care what you and Jamie do in Chicago.”  
“Great.”  
“So, we have a reception to attend?”  
“Yeah, tonight. So we have to pretend for four hours that we are in love and happy to be married.”  
Kurt scoffed, “You really think you can do that, David?”  
Dave rolled his eyes and put his laptop back in his bag,  
“Just show up at the hall at eight tonight.”  
“SO you think it’s a good idea to show up separately? I mean that might give the wrong image.”  
“Fine. I’ll pick you up at your parent’s. I’m sure you need to go talk to your dad and Carole.”  
“I’m going to go talk to them, but you can pick me up at your new home, sweetie. I mean we have a new house here right? I think we probably need to live together to make it as authentic as possible.”  
Kurt could see Dave was struggling to not lose his temper and just smiled sweetly at him.  
“Problems with that, honey?”  
“No problems, darling, just trying to figure out timing. I’ll see you at our house at 7:45 and we’ll leave then, okay, baby?”  
Kurt’s heart leapt at the mention of baby. He fucking loved it when his boyfriends called him that and had to remind himself that Dave wasn’t calling him that in endearment.  
“Yeah, whatever, sweetie pie.”


	10. Chapter 10

Santana and Brittany throw the reception for them in Rachel’s dads’ backyard and invited everyone they could think of from Lima. Santana even took an ad out to invite people during the nightly news on television to witness the joy of Lima’s two finest gays thrown by Lima’s two finest lesbians. Kurt cringed when he saw the clip on YouTube as shown to him by Sam.  
Kurt loaded up on beer and chips and felt guilty while chowing down on Carole’s famous brownies. He looked over to see his dad and Paul hitting it off and laughing as if they were the best friends in the world and Kurt knew they really could be if Dave and he had actually gotten married. He turned away and watched Dave get interrogated by Kurt’s high school friends and felt bad for him slightly, until he remembered that it was his fault they were in this mess in the first place.  
Rachel and Finn showed up an hour late to the party with a special guest for Kurt and Kurt was a bit apprehensive and nervous, until he spotted her walking toward him with a huge grin.  
“Mercedes!?!?!?”  
“Hey, white boy!”  
“How in the hell did you manage to get time off to come back to Lima? I thought your bosses were driving you crazy with work.”  
“Well Louis loves a good story and he thought you eloping with the “love of your life” was just so romantic and I would be fired if I didn’t march my fabulous black ass back to Ohio to get all the juicy details. So here I am. And I have to say, Kurt, your best friend doesn’t even get a “hey, I just got married to someone; it’s a guy who used to be bully me, no big deal.”  
Kurt winced at that and knew Dave had been listening.  
He took Mercedes hand and took her to the other side of the yard.  
“It’s not like that at all, Mercy. I love him.”  
“You love Dave Karofsky?”  
“I know that it might be sudden to you, but I have been in love with him for over a year now and we’re married and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this, but to be fair, I didn’t even tell Rachel until after we had already eloped.”  
“And you thought I wasn’t worth telling this to?”  
“Mercedes, it wasn’t exactly something we were going to just spring on people. We wanted people to get used to the idea and slowly come to accept that we are now husbands.”  
“Actually I was just wondering why you stopped talking to me about any of this, the last time you talked to me was like over a year ago and you told me you hated him. I mean I knew you were hanging out and liked him and had feelings for him, but this is new and sudden.”  
“I’m sorry and I didn’t think you’d want to hear my conflicting feelings and thoughts, considering I was all over the place.”  
Mercedes just sighed and turned to look at Dave who was laughing about something with Sam and Finn.  
“So, Dave Karofsky. I gotta say, I am surprised, but if you love him and want to be with him, then I’ll give him a chance, but if he breaks your heart, I’m coming back to Lima and heads will roll.”  
Kurt just laughed and hugged her tight, “And I promise to call you from now on anytime I have a fight with David and want to kill him.”  
Kurt went to find some more beer and was just getting ready to sit down in a chair when he heard a commotion by the gate on the other side of the house.  
He heard yelling and a very angry woman slurring he words,  
“Where the fuck is he? You tell him that his mother is here to see him and he fucking better see me.”  
Kurt groaned as he realized who it was. It was Dave’s mom. Dave’s very homophobic, drunk mother.  
Kurt got up quickly and made his way to the gate. He told Hiram Berry that he’d take care of it.  
He stood to face the thin brunette, who was barely standing up against the fence,  
“What are you doing here, Mrs. Karofsky?”  
“I should ask the same of you, you fucking queer.”  
“I’m here, because it’s my wedding reception.”  
“You stole my son and made him that way.”  
“What way is that?”  
“The way you are, disgusting and a freak. I hope you enjoy hell, you heathen. Gnashing of teeth and wailing forever and no one will give you even a drop of water.”  
Kurt rolled his eyes and then pinched the bridge of his nose before responding,  
“Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life present in him. First John 3: 15. You want to discuss and compare sins. I’m pretty sure hating your son or me or anyone for that matter, for being gay, is a sin and as that verse says if you don’t have eternal life present in you, that means Jesus isn’t in you and you are not going to heaven either. So please, spare me your theological bullshit, when you have no idea what the Bible even says. Besides, I’m not sure I’d even want to go to heaven, if it means I’d have to spend eternity there with the likes of you.”  
Dave’s mother huffed and stamped her feet.  
Paul and Dave had come behind Kurt during the showdown and neither moved to calm her down or make her feel better, which agitated her even more.  
“So you’re just going to take this little fairies side? He is the reason David’s like that, Paul!”  
“Actually, he isn’t. I’d say we’d have more to do with that. Haven’t you heard about the scientific studies coming out now that says it could be genetic? Didn’t you have that gay aunt? The one who lived with her special friend for forty years and never got married?”  
“My Aunt Gertrude was not gay! She and my Aunt Lillian were just friends.”

“If your aunt was not gay, why did you call another woman who was not your aunt, aunt? They were gay.”  
Santana was off to the side cackling like a hyena, while everyone else tried to pretend to be busy with their drinks or plates of food.  
Eileen Karofsky stood there staring daggers at everyone.  
Burt finally stepped forward,  
“Eileen, I know this is hard for you, but today is about celebrating the marriage of our sons and if you cannot wish them happiness and a long life, then perhaps you should leave.”  
She looked about ready to argue with Burt, but saw Dave shake his head and step forward.  
“That was not a suggestion mother, you need to leave. I’m celebrating my marriage right now and I know you hate Kurt, and me but I’m happy and guess what? Grandma Sue, your mother is happy too, she is the reason I feel comfortable enough to share my life and love with Kurt, and even though you don’t get it or like it, it’s not changing. If you cannot find it within yourself to at the very least deal with it, then I don’t want you in my life with your negativity. You need to decide if your homophobia is worth losing your son and future grandchildren.”  
Dave walked away, Kurt saw him trying to hold back tears, and he watched him walk into the guesthouse.  
Eileen finally left when Paul called her a cab to take her home and the party resumed as best as it could. Sue went in after Dave and Paul joined them not long after Kurt wanted to go in after David, but knew David needed his grandmother and mother.  
Rachel finally told him to go check on his husband after staring at the guesthouse while she was talking to him about New York City and Brody and Kurt caught maybe one minute out of an entire ten-minute conversation.  
Kurt walked in and found Dave sitting on the couch with his grandmother and father trying to cheer him up.  
Sue smiled when saw Kurt.   
“Davey, your husband is here. You should talk to him. Believe it or not, you are not in this alone. That’s the perks of having a spouse; they get to share all the parent crap with you.”  
She and Paul left and Kurt was left with a dejected looked Dave.  
“I’m sorry, David.”  
Dave looked up in shock and scoffed.  
“What are you sorry for?”  
“I didn’t mean to make things worse for you and your mom.”  
“Kurt, you did nothing wrong. IN fact, I am fucking impressed with how you dealt with her. And I’m actually proud of myself for standing up to her. It just fucking sucks that my mom is such a judgmental bitch, even after I tried to commit suicide. I just fucking don’t get it.”  
“That’s because it doesn’t make sense. I mean why hate someone because they love someone from the same sex? I mean think about it, if we had kids, I know that you wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if they were gay, straight, or bisexual. I know you wouldn’t care if they loved musicals and science and read books instead of playing sports.”  
David smiled, “Well, I might be disappointed, but hey I’d get them to read sports books!”  
Kurt just laughed and grabbed Dave’s hand, “Listen to me. Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing out on and that’s her fault. It’s not yours and it was never your fault. I know it’s hard and that you can’t help but feeling like shit, but whenever you feel like that, you just come talk to me and I’ll keep telling you that your mom is an idiot and that even if she never gets to know you or is accepting of who you are, there are other people who are and there are people who love you.”  
“Really? There are people who love me?”  
“Of course. Your grandma, your dad, Rachel, Brody, Santana.”  
Kurt wanted to add me, but didn’t think it was the right time.  
But Dave seemed to read his mind.  
“And you? You’re one?”  
Kurt wanted to tell him everything in his heart, but settle for the safe answer.  
“Of course, David. You’re my best friend. I love you.”  
Dave nodded and looked down at his friends and looked as if his puppy had just been shot. Kurt thought maybe he misread that question and the situation and was about to admit the truth, but then Dave looked up and smiled brightly and said,  
“Good. Because I have a feeling this is not going to be easy and I’m going to need all the support I can get.”  
“Well, we are married now, so I guess that counts, right?”  
Dave smiled and held his hand out,  
“Come on. Let’s go back and convince our guests how in love we are.”  
They walked back out and had a good time with their friends and family.  
Rachel and Finn kept telling them how shocked they were that they ended up married, because of how much they hated each other just a few weeks prior in Vegas.  
Dave and Kurt kept waiting for someone else to mention something or for their fraud to be revealed and it was disconcerting.  
Then Grandma Sue clanked her glass and made Kurt and Dave kiss and Kurt sort of forgot his head and everything and it was a very believable Kiss.  
Dave even looked thrown for a loop at the kiss, but everyone shut up and wish them good luck.  
Rachel’s dads had some food and lube delivered as a wedding gift. Dave blushed bright red and thrust the lube in Kurt’s hand and told him to take care of it.  
Kurt just laughed at Dave’s shyness about getting lube and teased him about it later. Dave told him to drop it. They ate their pizza and watched some Gossip Girl on Netflix.  
There was knock at the door and Kurt got up to get it. He figured it was Rachel pretending to bring them more blankets that they’d need in the middle of the summer or another raunchy gift from one of her dads. Instead, it was Dave’s mother again.  
This time she was sober and looking annoyed.

“Can I help you?”  
“Is my son here?”  
“He is, but I don’t think he wants to see you.”  
“You cannot keep me from my son, Kyle.”  
“My name is Kurt, and Dave already told you everything he has to say to you. Why did you come back here?”  
“I just wanted to let him know that I’m going to stay with my sister Judith for a while in Cleveland and if he needs to get in touch with me, he can call me there.”  
“I will do that. Have a safe trip.”  
Eileen just huffed some more and then finally turned around when she realized Kurt was not going to let her speak to Dave.  
Kurt sighed and shut the door.  
He turned back to see Dave watching him from the couch.  
“I’m sorry. I just cannot stand her and I didn’t want you to have deal with here again today.”  
David just got up and kissed Kurt.  
It took Kurt by surprise and he nearly fell into the wall and then Dave was pushing him back into the living room and Dave was kissing his way down his throat and taking Kurt’s clothing off and Kurt knew where this was heading and before he could let his brain decide whether or not it was a good idea, his cock was in Dave’s mouth and he didn’t really care what his brain had to say.  
Dave slowly took more and more of his cock in and was gently lapping at his cock and suckling the tip and swirling his tongue around and Kurt was still too shocked to argue or even think. He felt himself getting close and he groaned and tried to warn, David, but Dave just sucked harder and then Kurt was coming and Dave was swallowing and then he pulled off, tucked Kurt back into his pants and wiped his mouth.  
He smiled at Kurt and stood up.  
Kurt couldn’t believe David just did that and didn’t even fucking have the decency to tell him why or explain what the fuck that was for.  
Dave started to clean up the pizza and turn off the lights and Kurt realized he was going to bed.  
“Hold up.”  
Dave stopped and looked at Kurt.  
“You don’t get to just give me a blowjob and then walk away and start cleaning. What the hell was that for?”  
“What?”  
“The riveting game of chess, David. The fucking blowjob! What the hell?”  
“I was just grateful for you, for everything you did for me today.”  
“So you repay me by giving me a blowjob? Cause I don’t have any friends that do that for me.”  
“Well, maybe I was hoping we could be friends who did that.”  
“So you’re saying, while we’re playing this charade, you want to be friends with benefits?”  
“Yeah. I mean, look at this way, Kurt. We know that we don’t work out as boyfriends, but we do like each other, hell, we love each other as friends and we know that sex is always good and for right now, we’re both alone. I think it’s sounds fantastic. We both get laid, we can still meet other guys, and there’s no weird feelings to hold us back anymore, right?”  
Kurt sighed, this would be a fucking disaster, but he did want to be with David and this was the only way. Besides, the feelings were already there, and he had been pushing them down for this long already, what was another few months.  
“Okay, so we’re friends with benefits for the time being. I gotta say, I like being on the receiving end of those benefits.”  
Dave just smiled and finished gathering the trash up.  
“Well, then, I guess we really can share the gigantic bed in the master bedroom. I’ll race you to it.”  
Kurt made sure all the doors were locked and the dishwasher was started and then met his husband in bed.  
After another fantastic blowjob and some heavy making out, Kurt fell asleep with his head on Dave’s chest.  
He could get used to that and he knew it wasn’t a good idea, but his heart and body didn’t agree and his body won out in the end, while his heart all the while kept aching knowing that his feelings for David were not reciprocated and probably wouldn’t ever be, but sex was just sex.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Dave finally have it out.

If anything had happened between the last time they had spontaneous thank you sex and three weekends later, Kurt couldn't come up with an answer. All he knew was that Dave was acting stranger than normal. They got along fine, as fine as two men pretending to be in love and married could. Dave didn't antagonize him and Kurt gave Dave all the space he could, but Dave was acting increasingly distant almost to the point of cold.

Kurt wanted more than anything to just ask him what his problem was, to see if he could fix what he had probably done unknowingly to piss Dave off. But his answer came the next morning. He was drinking tea and reading a Beatles biography. It had been a stressful week of work and with Dave ignoring him outside of asking him if he had anything to put on the grocery list or if he had seen his favorite Ohio State t-shirt, he had spent a lonely Friday night watching Netflix and eating cookie dough. Dave had left that morning to have breakfast with Azimio. Rachel was still in Lima too after Brody had dumped her and moved out of their loft. Kurt was about to call her when he heard the doorbell ring.

He hadn't been expecting anyone and thought Dave might have locked himself out of the pool house. He went to the door and saw Rachel. He smiled and opened the door for her. “I was just thinking about calling you!”

“Good timing, I guess.”

She moved into the house and sat down on the couch. Kurt knew instantly something was wrong, because Rachel usually launched into a tirade about Finn or Brody whenever they hung out together since the Las Vegas episode.

“What's up, Rachel?”

“What do you mean? Can't a girl visit her best friend?”

“Sure, but I know you too well to know that this is a social call.”

“I really don't want to say what I have to say.”

“Just spit it out.”

“Dave isn't really having breakfast with Azimio.”

Kurt didn't know what to make of that. 

“Okay. So who is he having breakfast with?”

“Promise me that you will not freak out when I tell you.”

“Just tell me, Rachel.”

“He is having breakfast with Jamie.”

“Jamie? As in the Jamie who dumped him, his ex Jamie?”

“Well, apparently about two weeks after he went back to Chicago, Jamie showed up at Dave's apartment to get some of his stuff back and they talked.”

“And?”

“And, Jamie and Dave realized how much they loved and missed each other. And Jamie decided to give Dave another chance.”

Kurt felt as if his heart dropped from his chest. So that's why the “friends with benefits” thing only happened once. He wasn't sure if he wanted to just let it go and try to move on for real and be happy for Dave or get some real closure and just close the chapter on their story forever. 

“Are you going to say anything?”

“I don't know what to say. I mean, he's back with his ex. So I guess that's that then.”

“That's not really, all.”

“What?”

“Jamie proposed to him last night.”

“Oh.” Kurt felt his heart rip in that moment. He knew what was coming next.

“Let me guess, and now that he has someone he wants to marry for real, he's ready for a divorce?”

“I didn't want to be the one who told you, but Dave let it slip and told me everything about your arrangement and I told him that he's being a real jerk about this whole thing.”

“It's fine, Rachel. It had to end at some point. I'm just glad it happened before I really fell in love with him.”

“Don't lie to me, Kurt. I know this fucking hurts. I know that you are sad that Dave wants to marry someone else. It's written all over your face.”

“Fine. You're right. I'm fucking destroyed right now! The man that I am in love with and have been for a long time doesn't want me. In fact, he wants me so little that he suggest friends with benefits with me and then has sex with me one time when I was the only available option and at first opportunity, he finds a way to break my heart and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.”

Kurt was openly sobbing by this point and hugging his knees to his chest. He just wanted the hurt to go away. His heart was decimated and he didn't want to do it anymore. Rachel was quick to hold him and let him cry it out.

“Kurt, listen to me. You know that I love you and Dave both. You have become my two best friends in the entire world. I know that you are hurt right now and I know that it sucks, trust me I have been there, but you are not worthless. You are amazing and funny and intelligent and creative and brilliant. Everything about you is phenomenal. I know that Dave can't or refuses to see it, but you should not base your self worth on one man. So Dave loves someone else, you will find someone that will adore you for who you are. Hold out for that. Don't try to cling to someone who wants someone else. It never does anything but make you feel worse.”

Kurt continued to weep into his shirt.

“It's okay to cry, Kurt. Cry as long as you need to, but tomorrow you and I are going to go back to New York and we are going to find ourselves two gorgeous men who worship the ground we walk on and we'll never look back.”

Kurt laughed through his tears at that,

“Thank you, Rachel.”

Rachel continued to hold him as he cried. 

Rachel left about four hours later with the promise to pick him up in the morning to go to the airport.

Then he was left alone in the pool house. He felt numb inside as if he had cried every single tear he had and there were no more tears left for Dave or the situation he was in. He sat staring at the blank television wondering if he'd ever feel alive again.

He was still sitting there when Dave entered the house. By this time it was nearly dark outside and Kurt had not moved from his spot on the couch. Dave turned the lights on and was startled by Kurt.

“Holy shit, Kurt! Don't do that.”

Kurt's voice even sounded tired and monotonous,

“Do what?”

“Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“Why not?”

“Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

“Kurt, what is going on?”

Dave sat down beside Kurt and looked at him with his concerned look.

Something snapped inside Kurt and he let all the anger and confusion and hurt that he had been carrying around go.

“Don't fucking do that, David.”

David sat back in shock,

“Do what?”

“Pretend like you give a shit about me. I'm not fine, David. I'm not fine at all. But I will be. I'm going back to New York City and I'm going to live a fabulous life. I am going to be motherfucking Kurt Hummel and I will be fabulous. So you don't have to worry about me ever again.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?”

“Seriously? You're going to feign innocence? Fine. I am just tired of you using me when it's convenient for you. I get that I screwed up in high school, I do. I get that you never got over me abandoning you and not following through with friendship. I get that I broke your number on fucking rule of falling in love with you, but I am a fucking human being. I'm not perfect. I've never pretended to be perfect and I get that you had me on a pedestal and expected it of me, but no more. I'm done.”

“I never expected that, Kurt. Trust me I know that you have flaws. I've seen them in action.”

“Great, fine, David. I have flaws, I'm not perfect and that's as good a reason as any to treat me like I'm worthless. Fine.”

“Seriously what has gotten into you?”

“Well you have unfortunately and now I'm definitely regretting that one.”

“You regret having sex with me?”

“I regret it all, Dave. I regret meeting you again and becoming friends with you and falling in love with you, because in the end all I did was end up hurt.”

“By your own doing, I might add.”

“My own doing?” Right, because you are a paragon of virtue and did nothing wrong, ever when it comes to our relationship.”

“I admit that I may not have always been the most mature, but I never purposely hurt you like you hurt me.”

“How do you figure that, Dave? You ran from relationship to relationship after I told you the first time I was in love with you. You show up randomly and tell me you love me too and want to be with me and when I try to give you what you wanted, an assurance that I would never leave you, you give up on us and go to another relationship.”

“So, I'm just sit around and pine for you and wait for you to grow the fuck up and stop being a commitmentphobe?

“You really think that I'm the commitmentphobe here? No, David. I was trying to get myself better so I could commit to you all the way. I told you, I want to work on myself and get therapy so that I can be worthy of you and be ready to give you all of me. David, you are the one who told me “don't fall in love with me”, because you are terrified that I might actually really be in love with you and want to be with you. Instead of giving your heart all the way, you choose to run after other men who you think are easier or more likely to just stay in a bad relationship.”

“I love Jamie.”

“Right, just like you loved Mac and Sebastian.”

“How dare you bring up those relationships? You ruined both of those for me!”

“I did not ruin anything, David. Mac and Sebastian were both manipulative, selfish assholes and you know it.”

“Sebastian saved my fucking life you jackass.”

“That's what I let you believe, David.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“That means that it wasn't Sebastian who spent every night with you for almost two weeks telling you he loved you and that he wanted you to wake up. It wasn't Sebastian who sang to you and told you that if you woke up, he'd love you forever.”

“Yes it was. I remember him telling me that I would be the Gilbert Blythe to his Anne Shirley.”

“That was me, David.”

David's face turned white at that,

“What? Why wouldn't you tell me?”

“Because you told me you loved him and wanted to be with him. So I tried to let you.”

“Right, and by trying to let me be with my boyfriend, you mean helping Blaine break us up.”

“Nope. The only night Blaine and I fucked with you was the night at the coffee house. Blaine told you that we were together, when it was not true. I never got back with Blaine. I hung out with him and talked to him, but I didn't have sex with him and I sure as hell didn't love him again.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because, Rachel told me.”

“Rachel told you what?”

“About Jamie.”

“What about Jamie?”

 

I'm letting you be free and clear once and for all, David. I'm just getting this off my chest, because I want closure. So here it is. I will probably always be in love with you and feel pangs of jealousy and hurt whenever I hear about how happy you are with him. I will always cherish the times we did have together and I'll always be grateful that we reconnected. I know I said earlier that I didn't, but it's a lie. However, I'm going back to New York City. It's where I belong and I'm not coming back to Lima again to do this charade with you. You can send me divorce papers or I can have them drawn up. You can let Rachel know what you want. 

Kurt stopped talking and watched Dave's face. He looked sad, but overall he just looked relieved and that was the closure Kurt needed. Dave didn't love him anymore and maybe never actually had and for the first time in a long time, he was just done caring.

“I never meant to hurt you, Kurt. I hope you know that.”

“Frankly, Dave, I don't give a damn. You did and I'm done letting you. Have a good life in Chicago. I choose nothing.”

Dave looked confused at that,

“What do you mean you choose nothing?”

“The song from the John Mayer concert. Friends, Lovers, or Nothing. I choose nothing. It's just the way it has to be. Maybe years down the road we can reconnect again and be friends, but right now it hurts too much. Tell your Grandma Sue, I said I'm sorry and that I love her.”

Kurt walked into his bedroom and grabbed the bags Rachel had packed for him. He left without another look at Dave. He was ready to go home and find that man Rachel had promised him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry for all the angst, it was just necessary for the rest of the story.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Dave move on with their separate lives.

Kurt actually liked New York City again. The first few months back were painful and he got back into therapy. He felt like purging himself of all the self doubt, pain, and bitterness he put himself through with Dave was the best way of actually moving on with his life. He found out that he still harbored resentment, anger, and hurt from high school. He hadn't actually fully forgiven David all the way and coming to terms with it and actually making a conscious choice to forgive completely. Rachel kept him informed of David's actions, even when he told Rachel he didn't want to know. He knew that once the divorce had been finalized, that Dave would say yes to Jamie and they would get married. It still hurt him to think about, but he was determined to just let it go.

Three years passed. In that time he had managed to be in six more Broadway shows, witness Rachel and Puck reconnect and get married. It came totally out of the blue too. Puck was in town to visit Santana and he asked to see Kurt. Rachel came along and two weeks later Puck and Rachel were definitely together and grew stronger as the months passed. He was able to be there for Mercedes first major album release, date two very different, but both equally amazing men, and buy his first apartment. He also was there to witness Dave's wedding to Jamie. 

Dave and Jamie dated for another year after Kurt and Dave finally got divorced. Kurt didn't have contact with David until about two weeks before the wedding was supposed to happen in Chicago. Dave showed up on his doorstep asking to talk to him. Dave apologized and begged Kurt for another chance. He wanted to have his best friend back in his life. He missed Kurt and loved him. Kurt tried to turn him away and tell him no, but his heart refused to let him go, even after all the time they had spent apart. Kurt gave up trying to run from his heart. He was doomed to a life of being in love with his best friend and it would suck. He knew it would suck, but he did it anyway. He told Dave he loved him too and that he'd like to have a friendship again. 

Their friendship consisted of Skype, phone calls, and hilarious text conversations about everything and nothing. Kurt really had missed David and was glad that he was back in his life, even if in just this shallow and artificial way. He helped David and Jamie with the wedding plans and told David to use Rachel as his “person”. He didn't want to stand up at Dave's wedding to someone else. It was too much for him. Dave simply nodded. The night before the wedding, Dave showed up drunk off his ass to Kurt's hotel room. He told him that he thought he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Kurt's throat caught in his chest.   
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, I shouldn't be marrying Jamie.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I love you. We should be together, Kurt.”  
“You do not love me like that, David. We've been over this before. You love Jamie and your feelings for me are just leftovers from high school.”  
“No, Kurt. Really. I love you.”  
Dave kissed Kurt then and Kurt's heart felt like it was expanding and being torn to shreds at the same time. It was by far the worst feeling ever. He loved it. He wanted to never stop kissing Dave, but he couldn't continue to kiss him without feeling like an awful person and knowing that Dave was just confused and didn't actually mean any of it.  
He pushed him away and told him to sober up and get some sleep and that he'd help Dave get dressed for his wedding in the morning.  
The next day he sat in the back row of the church and watched as the man he was in love with said I do to someone else. He did it with a smile too. No one was allowed to see how much it killed him on the inside to have to let go of all the hopes and dreams he had been holding on to in hopes that Dave would one day wake up and realize that Kurt was the man he was supposed to be with.   
Kurt went back to New York and after a year of licking his wounds and pining over a married man, he decided it was time to get back out there and date. He had secretly been hoping that David and Jamie would have problems and get divorced and that Dave would come running back to him and beg him for another chance but after two solid years of marriage, Kurt knew it was nothing but a delusional dream. 

So he met, Frederick. Rachel introduced the two of them at another one of her parties. They hit it off and dated for six months. Kurt felt happy and hopeful for this relationship, more than he ever had with Jeff. But it wasn't right. He tried to let himself be happy, he tried to smile through his aching heart and tell himself that he was happy and that it was enough, but he wasn't happy. Frederick saw it and asked Kurt who he was. 

Kurt spilled everything to Frederick. He told him all about his relationship with Dave and what it meant to him and how he still missed him and felt guilty for wanting someone who was married. Frederick told him he wasn't going to stick around to be a footnote in Kurt's love story with Dave and that Kurt might in fact be better off alone. 

And that is exactly what Kurt was when he found out that David and Jamie were moving to New York. Rachel was ecstatic when she called Kurt with the news. Her two favorite men outside of Noah and their son, Lucas, were going to be just a train ride away. 

Kurt's emotions didn't know what they were doing, they were all over the place. He felt sick to his stomach, excited, angry, relief, pain, agony, and nervousness. He of course, would only ever show David and Jamie that he was happy for them and happy to see them, but his heart wanted him to run away and never look back.

The night before David was set to get into New York City to sign the paperwork for his new lease, Kurt couldn't sleep. Rachel was going to pick him up and then get Kurt and they were going to have their first proper best friend breakfast for the first time in four years. Kurt couldn't believe it had been that long.

He tossed and turned, threw up twice, and then tried to watch some funny videos on Youtube to get over his nerves, but nothing helped. He finally got up at 5 a.m and got ready. He was sitting at his kitchen table watching out the window when he saw Rachel's car. Rachel got out and Kurt stood up. He took a deep breathe and prepared himself to see David.

Rachel smiled that smile at him and he looked around. David was not in her car.

“I'm sorry, Kurt.”

“For what?”

“He didn't want to have breakfast with us.”

“You didn't have to have breakfast with me, Rachel. You could've just gone with him. I would have understood.”

“I hate this, Kurt. This is wrong. You two should not be like this. I understand that it's awkward and weird, but you are friends, you have always been friends. Why are you acting like this?”

“Why am I acting like this? I was willing to go to breakfast with him and tell him how happy I am for him.”

“I meant both of you. It's just wrong and I hate it.”

“Well, I'm sorry. I can't speak for David. But it's weird and awkward for a reason. He tried to tell me he wanted me and kissed me the night before he married Jamie. I didn't want to be his excuse and told him to marry Jamie and be happy. And then he did and stopped talking to me for all intents and purposes. I miss him and what we used to be everday, Rachel. But I can't change it on my own.”

Rachel sat down heavily and sighed,

“He kissed you?”

“Yep.”

“And you stopped him?”

“Of course I did. I didn't want to be yet another reason why David blamed me.”

“Wow. Well that explains a lot, I guess.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I'm sorry, Kurt, but I have to go talk to David. I don't want you to think that I am abandoning you, but he really needs me right now.”

“It's fine, Rachel. I understand. He's moving back to the city and needs to find a place to live.”

“Yeah. I'll call you later, okay?”

Kurt nodded and hugged Rachel.

He wondered how long it would be before he ran into David or one of them just finally bit the bullet and make the first contact.

It turned out Kurt didn't have to wait very long.

Eight hours later after getting some Thai takeout his phone rang.

It was David. Kurt's heart caught in his throat.

He stared at the phone for a few minutes and finally pressed the accept call button.

“Hello?”

 

“Hi, Kurt.”

“David.”

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“About what?”

Kurt didn't want to give away how nervous he really was, but he was actually shaking while talking on the phone.

“It's not something that I can do over the phone. Just, please.”

 

“Fine. You know where I live.”

 

“I'll be there in an hour.”

That hour of time seemed to drag on forever. He finally heard the buzz and let Dave in.

The three minutes between the front door and his door felt even longer.

When he finally saw David standing in his doorway for the first time in years, he just wanted launch himself in his arms and tell him how much he missed him. But instead, he invited him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the unbelievable amount of angst in this chapter. I promise good stuff is coming very, very soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finally comes clean, but will Kurt accept his explanation and apology?

Kurt offered David something to drink but David declined.

They at on the sofa for a few minutes in silence. It was pure agony for Kurt.

Finally Dave turned to Kurt. Kurt was shocked to see how sad and upset he looked.

“What's going on, David?”

“First of all, I just want to let you know that I am an idiot.”

“Okay?”

“And secondly, I'm sorry.”

“Again, okay? I'm seriously confused about what you're doing in my living room when just this morning you told Rachel you'd rather spend a day being tortured than have a breakfast that I was at.”

“Kurt, it was nothing like that I swear. I didn't tell Rachel no because of I hate you.”

“Well, I'm sorry that I don't know where we stand or how you feel about me, considering you never actually talk to me. When is the last time you actually called me, Skyped me, emailed, or even attempted to make any sort of contact? The only things I know about you is from what Rachel tells me.”

“It was too hard, Kurt, okay? I was trying to save my marriage and being around you made it next to impossible.”

“What the hell are you talking about? You have been married for two years and happily I might add.”

“Yeah, because that's what Rachel told you. It's true that we've been married for two years, but it hasn't been happy. In fact, the day that I married Jamie, I still felt like I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Looking back, I definitely did. I should have let it end the day you and I got married. I should have listened to my heart. But most of all, I should have stayed married to you, for real.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me right now.”

“What?”

“You are such a fucking asshole. Let me get this straight, you are having problems in your marriage and you come running back to me and tell me how much you want me, when before it was how I ruined your life and how much you wanted him. No. You don't get to show up after four years and tell me that now I'm the one you want and that you regret your actions back then only when your marriage is falling apart.”

Dave's face fell at that.

“That's not true, Kurt. I have always loved you. Even when we fought and we stopped talking, even then I have loved you. I told you three times that I was in love with you in my life. The first was when you told me how much you wanted Blaine, the second was when you told me how much you wanted Jeff, and now, I'm telling you again. You can tell me about some other guy you are now with and love, but I'm tired of this. It's always back and forth and terrible timing. My only hope is that you are now single and still love me.”

“You seriously think I have sat around for two years waiting on you when you were married? What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“No, Kurt. I didn’t think you sat around and waited for me. I knew about Frederick. I also know you dumped him, because you loved me.”

“I'm going to fucking kill, Rachel.”

“Don't blame her, Kurt. She has tried for years to get us to just talk and work our shit out. Most of the time I ignored her because I was mad at you and terrified that you would always see me as the loser from high school.”

“What?!?!?!?” No. Stop using me as an excuse for you being afraid to commit. I mean, fine, so I went out with Blaine in high school and I was with Jeff and Frederick, but the other times, have been about you! I have been waiting for you, okay? I'll admit it. But now I'm terrified that this is going to be fake and that a few weeks down the road, you're going to find someone else and be convinced that he is the new love of your life and will decide you need to marry him.”

“First of all, Kurt, I know it seems like I'm Ross from Friends, but I wasn't planning marrying you. It happened and I regret that I hurt you with the friends with benefits situation. All I can say is that if you give me another chance, a real chance to be with you, I'm not going to be marrying anyone else.”

“Why the sudden change of heart? I mean I know that Jamie left you, so if you tell me that you're just lonely or something like that I will fucking castrate you.”

“Jamie didn't leave me, Kurt.”

“What?”

“Jamie wanted to make it work. He wanted me to stay in Chicago and be happy living in a pretty much sexless and loveless marriage. Jamie's benefits, charities, and work are the most important thing in his life, even more than I was. I got fed up and left him. I moved back to New York because I miss it and I miss you. I miss you more than anything else in my life, Kurt. I miss you more than I miss my dad.”

“You left Jamie and moved back to New York for me?”

“Yes. I don't even care if you turn me down and tell me that I have no shot of being with you again. I still had to do it. I had to take the chance, because I would spend the rest of my life wondering what my life could have been like if I had stayed married to you, if I had the courage to tell you that I loved you too when I was with Mac. I regret so much about these past five years. You realize we wasted five years, right?”

“It feels like longer, honestly.”

“I'm sorry for that, Kurt.”

“I know that you feel like apologizing to me is the right thing to do, but honestly, you have hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me in my life. Each time I think, maybe this time will be different and it never is. I fall in love with you, I give my heart to you and rip it to shreds and throw it back in my face and I just cannot do it again. I'm sorry too, David. Honestly, I am, but my answer is still no.”

Dave and Kurt were both openly crying at that point. Dave stood up and left the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again.... sorry. Next chapter though. Yeah, that will be a good one.


	14. Chapter 14

Kurt felt like his entire world has just ended and he couldn't let Dave go. Even if he wanted to just let his heart have a break, he would never be okay with not knowing what being mutually in love with David would be like. He owed more to himself and to David than that.

He got up and grabbed his keys and threw his door open. David was sitting against the wall openly crying into his legs.

Kurt sighed in relief and sank down beside him.

"I'm sorry, David. I changed my mind."

Dave looked up at him with tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes,

"Are you serious? Don't fucking toy with me, Kurt, please."

"I'm not. I can't say no. I cannot do it. I am beyond terrified that you are going to crush me and leave me bleeding like always, but I have to know, just once what it's like to actually love you and have you love me back at the same time. I have to."

Dave sighed and dropped his head back against the wall. They both sat against the wall and sat in silent relief. The awkwardness and tension was gone. What was left was a different sort of energy. Dave finally turned his head to look at Kurt. Kurt smiled at him and then Dave was leaning over and kissing him for the first time in years.

Kurt felt himself relax into it, almost as if his heart was finally resting. He grabbed Dave's hands and broke the kiss.

He got up and helped Dave up after him. They walked back into Kurt's apartment.

Dave looked shy almost timid when they sat back down.

Kurt chuckled and moved quickly to sit closer to Dave.

He so wanted to make love to David, but he wanted to take it slow and actually savor developing a real relationship with him.

Dave sat stiff as a board as he waited for Kurt to say something. Kurt just smiled and asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. Dave sighed in relief and agreed.

Kurt chose a superhero movie, since Finn had gotten him into them in high school. They sat in silence as they watched an X-Men movie. He made it through a half hour of the movie, before he couldn't take it anymore. He launched himself at Dave and found himself on his back making out with Dave. Dave was gentle with him and held him close as they kissed slowly and sweetly. Kurt finally sat up and put his face in the crook of Dave's neck and chuckled softly to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I'm just so happy right now and I feel like an idiot making out with you like a horny teenager."

"We've wasted like five years, I think we get a pass on that."

"Thank you, David."

David sat back and tipped Kurt's face back,

"For what, Fancy?"

"For not giving up on us and for not pressuring me and for loving me, even though I can be a pain in the ass."

Dave laughed a deep, hearty laugh at that,

"Shouldn't I be thanking you for taking me back and be willing to give me another shot?"

"Maybe, but I really do want to thank you."

"Kurt loving you is actually pretty easy. You are without a doubt a pain in my ass, but I've never not once not loved you or wanted you. You are amazing and I am lucky that you said yes for another chance."

Kurt and Dave came together in a kiss that Kurt hoped would display everything he was feeling for Dave. He didn't want to rush things, so sex and I love yous were off the table, but kissing, that was most definitely on.

The rest of the film Kurt and Dave spent cuddled together eating popcorn and providing commentary. Kurt said goodnight to Dave an hour after the movie ended, because they both kept going in for kisses and prolonging the goodbyes.

Kurt was so happy he turned on his favorite pop music and danced. Rachel called him an hour later demanding to know what happened.

Kurt pretended like he had no idea what she was referring to until she threatened to come over and make him eat her vegan cookies.

Rachel finally got him to open up and Kurt explained everything that David had said.

Rachel sighed and Kurt asked her what was wrong.

"David didn't leave Jamie, Kurt. They are very much still together. He might be planning to know after what happened with you two tonight, but Jamie is planning to move here."

"Stop it, Rachel."

"I'm not lying, I swear. I had a long conversation with David today about how he had to start treating you better and that it wasn't okay for him to treat you badly because he wasn't happy in his relationship with Jamie and that it wasn't your fault."

"So you're telling me that Dave lied to me and is still using me because of his failing relationship?"

"No. I'm not saying that at all. David probably does plan on breaking up with Jamie when he goes back to Chicago in a few days."

"So why would he lie to me?"

"I don't know, Kurt. I honestly don't, but please be careful. Please."


	15. Chapter 15

Kurt was beyond livid with David. This time he had gone too far with fucking with him and this time he was going to give him a piece of his mind.

David had given him his hotel information and he stormed into the hotel and up to his room. He pounded on the door for at least five minutes before Dave opened it. Kurt didn't even bother speaking to him. He shoved him into his room and then stopped when he saw Jamie.

He was sitting on the king sized bed with tears running down his face.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here, Jamie."

"Sorry? You break up my marriage and all you have to say for yourself is sorry?"

"Wait... what?"

"David called me this afternoon and told me he wasn't coming home. That he was in love with someone else and needed to just let himself be happy for once. Of course I knew it was you. You've always been after him."

"That's not true at all, Jamie."

"What do you mean it's not true? I saw how you were at our wedding, how pathetic you were with pining after him."

"It's true that I was heart broken, but I got over it."

"Right, because kissing my fiancee the night before our wedding is 'getting over it'."

"Excuse me? I did not kiss David."

"That's not what David told me."

Kurt looked at David whose eyes were on the floor.

"Really, David? Really!?"

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I just thought I should for my marriage."

"Are you telling me that Kurt did not kiss you the night before our wedding?"

"Yes. That's what I'm saying. I kissed him. In fact, I begged him to take me back that night and told him I was in love with him. And it was true. It's still true, Jamie. I settled for you and I settled for you working every night for hours and ignoring me and going months without sex or very basic physical contact."

"Oh, I'm sorry that my need to help orphaned children was so inconvenient for you."

"Can I ask you something, Jamie?"

"What?"

"Why did you even propose to me? Was it because you actually loved me or because you didn't want Kurt to win?"

"Does it matter now? Because in the end you left me for him anyway."

"I would have left you even if Kurt wasn't in the picture, Jamie. Because what we have now, is not a real relationship. It's not enough. I do love you and I'm sorry that I have hurt you, but you deserve more."

Jamie got up and grabbed his bag off the bed,

"If you think I'm going to just give you an uncontested divorce, you have another thing coming. It's going to long and drawn out and I'll make your life a living hell. You don't get to humiliate me and then get everything you've ever wanted, while I'm all alone and miserable."

"It doesn't have to be like this, Jamie."

"Fuck off, David. You too, Kurt. I hope you're utterly miserable together."

Jamie stormed out of the room and Kurt who had been sitting watching the entire exchange went over to David who was sitting in shock on his bed.

Kurt went over and rubbed Dave's back,

"I am so sorry, David."

"For what?"

"For this, for it all. "

"You don't have to apologize for Jamie's reaction. I mean, I should have seen it coming. I broke up with him over Skype."

"Yeah, that was a dick move, but I have to ask and please don't hate me, but does he always treat you like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like an emotionally and verbally abusive asshole?"

"He just has anger issues sometimes. He's never hit me or anything. Just sometimes he says mean things when he gets mad."

"How often did he say stuff like that?"

"I should have known better. Sometimes I provoked him and I deserved it."

"Don't you say that, David. You did not deserve any of it. Why would you put up with that?"

"I don't know. He loved me and he fought for me. You want the truth?"

"Yes, of course."

"I still feel guilty pretty much every day when I'm around you."

"Guilty for what?"

"For high school. Everything about high school was awful for us, even when I tried to kill myself. There was not one time where I felt like we were actually okay, other than the time when you told me we could be friends, but it didn't happen and I knew that things weren't okay and never would be. I've been carrying around the guilt of taking your first kiss, terrorizing you, making you feel horrible, trying to guilt you into loving me back and forcing my feelings on you."

Kurt's heart hurt as he heard Dave pour out his heart and finally tell him the truth.

"The truth is, Kurt, I've never felt good enough for you. Even now I still carry around a lot of that anxiety of being second best and not your first choice and that someday you will wake up and want someone else. So, I married someone who I thought actually wanted me and wouldn't leave me if I messed up."

Kurt shook his head,

"Stop it, David. Stop blaming yourself. I have forgiven you. I forgave you in high school. Our friendship not panning out in high school is not your fault. It's mostly my fault honestly. I wasn't ready to start a relationship with you, any kind of relationship with you. Truth is, David. I loved what you did for me on that Valentine's day. In fact, I was actually tempted to say yes to you and see where it could take me. When everything went down in the aftermath, I felt incredibly guilty. I felt like I was to blame for you feeling so much pain and anguish and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't take it away for you."

"That wasn't your job, Kurt. My suicide attempt was much more about not liking who I was and dealing with other people not liking who I was either."

"Listen to me, David. I love who you are. I don't care what high school you did, or how we got here, but you are good enough for anyone and you are definitely more than good enough for me. Jamie didn't deserve your love if all he did was push it aside and make you feel bad about yourself."

Dave sighed and stood up. He rubbed a hand through his hair as he paced the floor,

"I could understand if you wanted to just cut out now. This is going to get really ugly, for a long time."

"You really think I'm going to walk away, now? Let me tell you something. I was on my way over here to dump you, because Rachel told me everything you talked about. She told me that you hadn't left Jamie and that he was moving here and I was furious, because of what we talked about."

"I did though."

"I know that now and I feel as if I am as much a part of your marriage ending as you are. So I'm not going to abandon you to face Jamie's wrath alone."

David hugged Kurt and kissed him goodnight for real,

"Do you want to have breakfast tomorrow morning?"

"Definitely."

"Thank you for standing by me."

"You are more than welcome, David. Remember, you deserve to be happy. I plan on making that my number one job."

David smiled and kissed him again and walked him to the door.

As Kurt headed home he thought back to Jamie and Dave's relationship and decided to call in a few favor's on Dave's behalf.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about this chapter. lol.
> 
> Warnings at bottom

Kurt had begged his dad, who was still a congressman to get him in contact with a good attorney. He could afford it. Truthfully so could David, but Kurt just wanted to help in any way he could. 

The attorney claimed that with Jamie being unwilling to compromise and give David a divorce without contesting it, they would have to go with a divorce, rather than a dissolution. Kurt didn't know what everything meant, but when the attorney warned him that this could be an ugly, drawn out fight between David and Jamie, Kurt sighed. 

If he was being truthful he knew that it would be easier to just walk away and let Dave deal with this on his own. He didn't need a long drawn out battle between David and his ex. He didn't want to have to deal with Jamie, the constant reminder of how much David and Kurt had fucked up since reconnecting. Kurt didn't like baggage of any kind, he never had, but what stunned him most of all as he reflected on his options, he didn't care. He wanted it all with David, even the messy baggage. He loved David. He would always love David and what was another few months of angst and pain?

So, he got on a plane and flew to Chicago. He was determined to see David who was still living with Jamie. It was awkward and painful for David. Kurt knew that. David called him nightly and would sigh in the phone. Kurt wanted to hold him and rub away the worry lines that were starting to form in David's face whenever they Skyped. 

He was going to try to make Jamie see that he was only hurting David and himself by not just accepting the divorce and moving on. His first stop was to drop off his bag as hit hotel and take a shower. While he was there, he had promised Sam, who was now a photographer living in Chicago, that he would meet up with him.

They enjoyed a lovely lunch at a restaurant that looked out on Lake Michigan. By this time spring was in full swing and it was nearing the mid seventy range each day in temperatures. Sam questioned him about his life and asked how things were going. He told him about Finn and Rachel, Brody, and then he told him about David. 

Sam sat in silence as Kurt told him about the relationship that had spanned so many years and ended up with him in Chicago. Sam smiled at him at the end of the story and took his hand. 

“Kurt only you could have a plot line straight out of a romantic comedy.”

“Shut up, Sam! It's not that farfetched.”

“It definitely is. What is your plan in Chicago? Are you going to fight for your man?”

“Actually I was planning on going to see Jamie.”

“You really think that would be a good idea? From what you just told me, Jamie despises you and David.”

“I just think if he realized how much his actions are hurting David, someone he claims to have loved, maybe he'll stop and just let David be happy.”

“Or he could get pissed that you steal his husband and then fly to his city to rub it in his face.”

“That's not what's going on here at all, though. I am only here for David. I want David to be happy. This is looming over him. I know that he's upset about it. He's been losing sleep and I just hate seeing him so upset by someone who was supposed to love him.”

“Kurt, do you think maybe you're just doing this out of guilt?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you abandoned David after he tried to commit suicide.”

Kurt gasped at the bluntness with which Sam spoke to him.

“I did not abandon him. It's not that simple!”

“I know that you weren't trying to hurt him and that you walking away was about you and not him, but I still think you feel responsible for his hurt, even after all these years. I think that's why you are out here. Yeah, it sucks that Jamie is being a douche nozzle, but Jamie and David were married. Regardless of Dave's feelings for you now or ever, he chose to marry someone else. He really needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. I think you need to let him.”

“We are together now, Sam. I'm his partner and I'm not going to let him go through it alone.”

“No one is telling you to do that, Kurt. Be there for him, comfort him, love him. But don't pretend that you are here to talk to Jamie for any other reason than to make yourself feel better about high school or for guilt from your past actions since then when it comes to David. All I'm going to say is this, you really need to reconsider what you're about to do. It might work, but I have a feeling that you're heading down a road that will not have the destination you think it does.”

Kurt chewed a bit of his roll and rolled his eyes at Sam.

“Don't be so melodramatic. I'm here to help David, because he needs me. What's the worst that could happen? Jamie says no to my request and I go back to New York and help David through his divorce.”

“Whatever you say, Kurt. I hope that you get the outcome you desire.”

Kurt paid the bill when it came and hugged Sam goodbye. He tried to persuade him that he really was going to be alright and that he shouldn't be worried about his plan. Sam just smiled at him and waved as he walked away.

Kurt had found Jamie's office number on his firm's website. He called and set up an appointment with his secretary under the guise of being a new potential client. He was set to have a meeting the next afternoon at noon. 

He ordered Chinese food that night and watched a bad made for TV movie and hoped that tomorrow would be the catalyst that moved David and Kurt closer to the rest of their lives, together. 

It took him forty minutes to find a cab and make his way to Jamie's firm. As he waited in the lobby, he picked up a Sports Illustrated and thumbed through it nervously. He hated sports, but he didn't mind the good looking athletes.  
Finally fifteen minutes later he was being called in by the receptionist. He found himself being led to Jamie's office. He took a step in and noticed the rich mahogany furniture and large bookcases in the room. Everything about the room screamed masculinity and testosterone. He sat in a large leather padded chair that was across the massive desk. Kurt could feel his heart pounding in his throat and was willing for this meeting to be over. Jamie finally opened the door a few minutes later with a large file.  
He didn't look up as he walked toward his desk and chair. He sat down and opened the file.

“Hello, Mr. Ashby, is it? I understand you are looking for an attorney to represent you?”  
Kurt cleared his throat and spoke up,  
“Yes, sir.”  
His voice sounded hoarse, almost a whisper to him.  
Jamie finally looked up and what had been a pleasant face turned into pure, unadulterated fierce, ugly, rage.  
“Really, Kurt? You could have just used your name to set up a meeting.”  
“And you would have seen me if you knew it was me?”  
“No, but someone else would have taken the meeting.”  
“I'm not here for an actual attorney, Jamie. I'm here to see you.”  
“Really? Me? What, tired of Dave already? You want me now too?”  
Kurt scoffed at that. While, Jamie was indeed the most handsome man he'd ever seen up close, his behavior and attitude since he met him had turned Kurt off to the lawyer.  
“Definitely not. You are definitely attractive, Jamie. You know it too. I'm here for David.”  
“Well in case you hadn't noticed, David isn't here. In fact he's not in Chicago at all. Why don't you just go back to New York and be with him?”  
“Because you are making his life miserable. He can barely sleep and concentrate on work, because you keep changing the terms of your divorce. What do you want? If it's money, he'll give it to you. Is it something material? We'll make it happen.”  
“This is not about material items, Kurt. David's betrayal and humiliation is not something that I'm read to forgive just yet. You know what I want? I want him to feel the same thing. I want him to know what it's like to suffer to see the person he's in love with be with someone else. And not just be with them, but knowing that you never stood a chance. I want back the last few years of my life that I wasted on him as he pined for your sorry ass!”   
Jamie spit the words out of his mouth as if they were poison.   
Kurt sighed. It was hopeless. Jamie was not going to give him what he wanted.  
He stood to leave.  
Jamie stood up,  
“You know. I changed my mind.”  
Kurt watched with trepidation as Jamie stalked towards him.  
“You did?”  
“Yeah. There is something I want. But not from David.”  
“What do you want?”  
“You. I'm going to take you away from David, just like you took him from me.”  
“The thing is that David was willing, Jamie.”  
“Oh, I'm very good at convincing people.”  
With that Jamie grabbed Kurt's jaw in a painful squeeze and drug him to himself.  
He forcefully kissed Kurt and Kurt was too stunned to do anything.  
Just then he was aware of the door opening.   
He heard a strangled gasp, but he couldn't turn his head to look. He was still being kissed by Jamie.  
Then he felt nothing but stillness and an eerily calm as Jamie was ripped away.  
Jamie smiled viciously at Dave who had slammed him against the wall.  
“Oh perfect timing, David. I You're a bit early for our mediation, but I was just discovering how good Kurt is at kissing. But then you already knew that didn't you?”

David looked at Kurt who was still struggling to catch his breath. He caught a glimpse of himself in Jamie's window and he looked wrecked. His face was flushed, his lips were swollen and he looked like he had thoroughly enjoyed himself. The look of anguish and anger that passed over David's face destroyed him.

“How could you?”

David wasn't looking at him anymore, he was once again glaring at Jamie.

“It's not like that, David. I swear.”

“So you didn't just kiss my ex husband? Fuck, Kurt. I thought we had gotten over everything. Why would you do this now?”

David was shaking as he still had Jamie pinned up against the wall.

He dropped his hands and took a step back. He took a deep breathe and then looked straight at Jamie.

“You win, Jamie. I'm done. We are still getting divorced, but I don't care when it happens. I have no reason to expedite it anymore.”

Kurt strangled out an anguished, “No, David. You can't mean that!”

David looked at him with a water smile,

“Of course I can, Kurt. Don't contact me again.”

Kurt dropped to his knees and sobbed as David walked away and quietly shut the door behind him.

Jamie laughed bitterly as he watched Kurt.

“Well, I didn't get David humiliated, but I guess seeing you like that is the next best thing.”

Kurt refused to look at Jamie. He picked himself up and stormed out of Jamie's office.

He could hear Jamie's taunting words as he left,

“Just wait, Kurt. I will still get David too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forced kiss.
> 
> Again, sorry. It will get better, promise.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel and Brody try to help Kurt move on by trying internet dating, meanwhile Kurt, Brady, and Dave decide to throw Rachel a baby shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MAN. This is mostly a filler chapter, which helps move the plot forward, dramatically.

He didn't leave the house for a week after that. He was between shows again and he was still making money from a few songs he had written for a good friend's debut album that had managed to chart on national radio.

Then, Brody called him and told him he needed to get the hell out of his apartment, and get out in the sunshine. It was still cold, but thankfully the frigid temps were not accompanied by wind. He met Brody, Rachel, and Puck for a comedy show and Rachel brought it up.

She told him that they were worried about him. They all loved him and wanted him to be happy, but moping around in his apartment, pining for someone was unhealthy. She told him that she simply wanted him to find peace and love and even if it meant it wasn't with David, she would be happy for him. He argued with them about how hard it was to find time to actually date, because he was busy writing a new play, writing songs, and wallowing in self pity. He didn't add the last part, but that was what he spent most of his time doing now.

Rachel told him that one of their students mentioned a new dating fad in the city. It was called Blind Speed Dating. He would go and fill out a personality questionnaire. Then, similar to the voice, he would sit in a chair, and different men would come in and answer Kurt's questions. He couldn't see them, but he would simply write down the numbers of the men he was interested in meeting to and talking to in the future. He could choose up to three men and the company would give each of the men, the user names and they would chat. They'd have a week to make a connection and if they mutually felt they wanted to meet, they would meet for a real date, paid for by the company. Rachel had taken it upon herself to grab one of the packets. She shoved it toward Kurt who picked it up. It was actually very in depth. He could tell that it would take at least an hour of answering questions, just to get to the first stage of the blind date rounds.

He told them he would only do it, if it meant they stopped having interventions for him. He didn't need all the worry about his love life, considering he worried about it enough for all of them combined. He took it home and started working on it. He tried to stop himself from answering questions based on his relationship with Dave, but by the twelfth one he just stopped trying.

He was pretty sure this wouldn't work anyway, so he would just pacify his friends and get it over and done with.

The night of the event came and he entered a large Italian restaurant on the upper east side. It was beautiful. They served a meal to each of the participants. Kurt surveyed the crowd looking to see potential candidates. There were several very attractive men that Kurt could see himself with. Just as they were about to start the actual rounds, he swore he saw David at the back of the restaurant but when he blinked it was someone else. He swore under his breath and told himself to calm down. There was no way Dave would be at a place like this.

He was given the ninth spot out of close to three hundred participants and sat in his chair. He had his card and as he asked questions and listened to replies he picked his top three men. The first was an architect who loved animals and was really into reading. The second was a nanny for an affluent family just outside the city and his passions were bicycling and romantic comedy movies. The third was an attorney, loved going to concerts, and was really passionate about donating free service hours to abused women in the city. The third one just jumped out at him. On paper, he was David. He of course was not David, because he sounded nothing like him. He saw the user name on his desk every time he walked past his computer and finally sat down.

With shaking fingers he typed in, _poundthepuck_. He couldn't get the image of fucking Puck out of his mind. He certainly had had those types of fantasies in high school, but it had been years since he thought of him in that way. He clicked on Initiate Chat, and was taken to a pop up window. He asked the man why he had chosen _poundthepuck_ and the man replied that he had played high school hockey and a bit in college and loved it. Kurt's heart flipped at that. Dave had played high school and college hockey. Kurt was beginning to think that this was mistake. He chatted with the man for about twenty minutes, but Kurt didn't feel excitement or anything as he chatted with him.

He ended the chat and looked on the site. He saw a place for general chatting and for forums. He clicked over to it and saw a chat room. Most of the conversations were around the event, but he saw two men engaging in a debate over who was the more hipster between The Decemberists and Death Cab for Cutie. He saw his former chat partner in the room, poundthepuck, was one of the participants. The other's user name was, _elithebarrowboy_. Kurt recognized the name as a song title from one of his favorite The Decemberists album. He watched as the two men argued back and forth. Kurt watched the chat in amusement as they each got more and more defensive. He started calling them Eli and Puck. Some of the other chatters got annoyed with the fighting and told the two to get a room, chat or real, and either continue the argument there or fuck it out. Some were taking sides and some were just egging on the argument by posting stupid side commentary. Kurt decided to take Eli's side. He loved Death Cab for Cutie, but The Decemberists would always have a special place in his heart, because of his experience sharing them with David, Rachel, and Brody.

He typed in the chat about how neither band should be called hipster, because they both predate the hipster movement, but if he would have to label one more hipster, he'd go with Death Cab for Cutie, with some of their songs being overly pretentious and pompous, whereas most of The Decemberists songs were ballads and tales, that told stories that were easy to follow.

“Puck” got angry at that and took offense at Kurt defending someone else, when they had just had a “date”. He told Kurt that his opinion was laughable and told him that his definition of pretentious and pomposity were ludicrous, considering he was so boring and awkward in their date and came across as a stiff, boring old man. He told Kurt that he could do better and not to contact him again. He quickly signed off.

Kurt would have been upset, but he had felt the same way about the date. The rest of the chatters told Kurt that he was their new hero. He had chosen the user name defyinggravity, because Wicked was still his favorite Broadway show, but also because of what had happened after he sang that song. He also believe his destiny had always been to be someone who flew high, no matter what was going on in his life.

A few seconds after the altercation was over, he received a ping from the chat. _Elithebarrowbay_ had sent him a private message. He told him that Puck was a jerk and did this on regular occasion in the chat and to just ignore him. He also thanked him for standing up for The Decemberists.

Kurt sent him back a reply saying that it was not a big deal. He actually found Puck's rage quit to be hilarious and relayed the information of the terrible first “date” to Eli. Eli responded back with a LOL and informed him that he too had ended up with Puck as one of his matches and had the same experience.

They began to talk about the actual experience of the event. Kurt told him that he felt so vulnerable when he had his back to the men who came in and answered his questions. He also felt like some of the guys weren't there to find love, but just to find someone to have sex with them. Eli told him that a lot of the men on the site and who participate don't expect to find someone to fall in love with, but that it was nice to have a place to flirt and take a chance every now and then on something that could have potential.

Kurt was a little surprised to find that out. He believed in true love. He believe in soul mates and “the one” and twin flames. He believed that one day he would find that man who made his world and life complete and that they would be together forever. He also believed that David was that man for him, but he couldn't dwell on David or their broken relationship anymore.

Kurt asked Eli if he was one of those people. Eli didn't respond. In fact, it was going on ten minutes and Kurt thought he must have signed off. He was going to close the window, when he finally saw Eli typing in the box.

Eli told him that he did believe he would find someone to love, but he wasn't sure that he would find it on a dating site. He told Kurt about how his friends signed him up for the event, because he was sad and lonely. He also said that he had been in some complicated and confusing relationships over the past few years, and he needed a break. He wasn't sure that he even wanted long term.

Kurt shared with Eli that his friends too had set him up with this, but only because they were tired of his moaning. He explained how he had messed up majorly with someone he was in love with and how he needed to move on.

They went on to compare friends. Eli's were always pushing him to open up more and take more risks with dating. They hated that he stuck to only one type and had since high school. He admitted though that he preferred twinks or guys who looked like twinks over almost any other type. He couldn't help it, but his friends think it's unhealthy and his obsession over one type is what pushes people away who might be interested in something long term.

Kurt explained how his friends were always pushing him to be a better person and friend. They let him know when he was being a stubborn asshole and when he was hurting people around him. He said his friends were pretty much the opposite with him. They told him that he was meant to be with the guy he messed up with and he needed to fix it.

After an hour of private messaging, Kurt realized, that he had had more fun in that one hour just talking about life in general with Eli, than with Puck, his supposed highest match. He looked at the clock and realized how late it was and told his chatting partner he was going to sign off for the evening.

Eli replied back with a “sweet dreams” and quickly ended the chat.

As soon as he saw the window disappear, Kurt felt suddenly empty. It had felt very good to have someone to talk to and vent to. He decided that he would contact the other matches he had on his list. He couldn't help but be slightly disappointed that _elithebarrowboy_ wasn't on his list of user names.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Rachel's shower. Can Dave and Kurt coexist peacefully for one day?

Kurt spent the next two days, chatting with the other users who had been matched with him. He didn't like any of them, but one. He had really liked the architect, whose username was jlaw. He had claimed it was because he was also a lawyer, his first name started with a J, and also because he loved Jennifer Lawrence. They had a pleasant conversation about her movies and how much they both loved The Hunger Games films. They had also discovered a shared passion for musicals, cats in clothing, the smell of new books, and quaint little coffee shops off the beaten path. J told him about a new discovery he had found in Harlem and told Kurt about it. Kurt felt he had made a connection with someone and promised J another chat “date” soon. 

Once again he clicked over to the general chat and saw elithebarrowboy in the room. He was having a discussion about hockey with passthepuck. Eli was claiming that Chris Osgood was an underrated goalie and should be allowed into the NHL hall of fame the first time he's eligible, whereas passthepuck though Osgood was overrated and should not be allowed in, ever. Most of the other chatters were ignoring them, but every so often someone would chime in with an opinion. Eli quickly refuted Puck and told him based on the stats alone, especially in the playoffs, Osgood was one of the best of all time and those stats alone would guarantee him a place in the NHL hall of fame. Talk turned to other sports with both going back and forth. Kurt found himself growing bored. He never cared for sports. In fact, the only reason he had joined football was to be closer to Finn and his friends, and because he wanted to make his dad proud. He was just getting ready to close the window when a chat screen popped up. 

It was Eli. All it said was, “Can you believe this guy?”  
Kurt just typed back, “Sorry. I don't follow sports, but I can only assume, he's an idiot. He's never given me reason to think otherwise.”  
Eli quickly replied with, “It's okay, sports aren't for everyone, but at least you can spot a moron quickly.”  
They chatted for awhile about the chat in general, about what most of the guys were like. Eli told Kurt all about the various “relationships” that had happened and why certain members avoided each other at all costs. Kurt asked him how long he had been part of the site. Eli didn't respond for awhile. So Kurt went to get coffee and pull on a sweater.  
When he got back, Eli had type,  
“I haven't been on long, honestly. Just a few weeks. I come on most nights though, just to have someone to talk too. After I had my heart broken, I just needed someone to relate to me and let me know that I'm not hopeless or alone. Most people are really easy to read, even if they're typing.”  
Kurt admitted that he was lonely too. He told Eli that he wasn't sure about himself after he had his heart broken either. He told him about the guilt he still carried with him after everything fell apart with his ex boyfriend.

The more Kurt talked to Eli, the more he grew to like him. He was kind and Kurt felt like he could talk to him about anything without fear of judgment of ridicule. It had been a long time since he had felt that with anyone. 

The next day was Rachel's shower. Kurt didn't want to go. He would rather spend all day online talking to Eli, but he knew that Rachel would be upset if he didn't show up. He stopped to get some coffee before he had to face David and Brody, but as soon as he walked into the shop he saw David sitting there.   
His heart caught in his throat. He hated the visceral, physical reactions he always had whenever David was near him. They were disconcerting and unwelcome. He wanted to be able to see David and feel nothing for him. Kurt knew that would never happen though. No matter who he ended up with, a part of him would always be desperately in love with David. His mind flashed to Eli. While he didn't have quite the same reaction to Eli as he did to David, he felt that in time he eventually would. 

David was engrossed in his phone and Kurt walked past him quickly. He ordered his drink and waited for the barista impatiently. He tapped his foot and looked at his phone as the minutes seemed to drag by. The barista finally called out for Kurt and he knew that David had heard his name. 

He grabbed his coffee quickly and ended up spilling some on his hand. He cursed as he grabbed a napkin to clean off his hand and his coat sleeve. When he turned around David was standing up and looking at him with a look. Kurt wasn't sure if it was concern or just condescension, but either way it drove him mad. He didn't want David's sympathy or for him to feel sorry for him.

He tried to walk away but David lightly grabbed his arm. Kurt was on the brink of either yelling at David or breaking down and crying and he both options were horrible. He simply sighed and turned to face David.

“What do you want, David?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“You just burned yourself on scalding coffee!”

“I'm fine. And even if I weren't, it's not your place to care.”

David sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair,

“I will always care, Kurt. Even if I do hate you sometimes and am currently still mad at you, it doesn't mean I actually hate you.”

“Yeah, and that's not confusing at all. Let me make it clearer for you, David. I don't want you to act like you care about me, when the majority of the time you're going to make me feel like crap for something that I didn't even do.”

David's expression changed for concern to anger. Kurt could tell David was holding himself back from yelling at him and Kurt felt the urge to just push every one of his buttons and get him to lose control.

“Jamie kissed me. He forced a kiss on me. You should know what that looks like.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Kurt regretted them instantly. No matter what David and he was going through, he had forgiven him and it was wrong to throw it back in his face, but for some reason he kept going. 

“ I didn't want it, I didn't like it, and I sure as hell didn't initiate it. But then you knew that, right? I mean you're the one who testified against Jamie and got your divorce. So either you do believe me and that he initiated the kiss or you lied under oath to get what you wanted and really don't care about anyone but yourself and what you want.”

David threw up his hands in frustration,  
“Did you just throw high school back in my face as a way of arguing? Are you kidding me right now? Whatever, Kurt. So glad to know that you will always bring that back up.”

Kurt knew he shouldn't have said it. He knew that it would wound Dave and yet he couldn't bring himself to stop. He tried to keep that aching, awful feeling he got when he realized how much he had just messed up. The shame that crept in and surrounded his heart and the heat that radiated up his face and made his head tingle. He felt awful and he had tried to make David feel just as bad. He hated what they had become. He just wanted his friend and their friendship back.

He tried to form words to tell David, but all he could say was, I'm sorry. David looked at him with pain in his eyes and told him that he was sorry too. They both rode in awkward silence on the subway. No one else but them was on the same car and it was filled with silence and tension for twenty minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the readers who have stuck with this crazy, emotional roller coaster of a ride.


	19. Chapter 19

Once they arrived at the shower, Kurt quickly went to find Brody and Rachel. Rachel was thrilled to see him. She loved that they decided to do a couples shower, instead of just women and most of their friends from Lima and New York were there. 

It was a mini reunion of sorts as many of the former Glee members were there to celebrate with them. Even Finn, who still carried a torch for Rachel showed up. Kurt spent most of the afternoon chaperoning him and keeping an eye on David who spent most of the shower with Brody in a corner talking. He caught both of them looking in his direction a handful of times and each time he wondered what they were saying about him. He knew David was probably relaying how awful he had been earlier in the day and he just wanted to go back to his apartment and drown his sorrows in some alcohol and a chat with Eli. 

Kurt was starting to count of his chats with Eli. He realized that Eli, even though he had never actually met him or knew what he looked like, was close to becoming his closest friend. Even with Rachel and Brody he couldn't share his deepest darkest secrets with and feel like he wasn't being judged or mocked. He liked the anonymity of it. He could tell Eli anything and Eli would never judge him. 

He checked his phone twice to see if Eli was on the chat, just to see if he could do a quick chat, but Eli wasn't on. He mingled with Santana and Brittany for awhile, and then saw Mercedes arrive about a half hour after the shower started. For the rest of the shower they were inseparable. They talked about everything and anything. Mercedes had been his best friend before everything else had happened, before Rachel and Brody and before David. Mercedes told him that she loved him no matter how many man he married and divorced, no matter how many times he screwed things up, and that if this new Eli was the one he was supposed to be with, she'd fly to New York or anywhere and be there for his wedding. 

He got home around six p.m. It was a Saturday night and he knew that Brody was going dancing with Elsa, Rachel and Puck were going to be setting up their baby furniture and Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, Tina, and Quinn were going to have a girl's night out. Which meant he could either go to a hockey game with Finn, Artie, Mike, and Sam or try to hang out with David. He opted for plan c. He ordered Greek food, poured himself some alcohol and spent the evening with his laptop. He watched some Netflix as he watched the website hoping that Eli would come on. He wasn't disappointed when a few minutes after eight, Eli signed on. 

 

Eli started the chat with him, which hadn't happened since the beginning. Kurt felt the familiar rush of butterflies and giddiness sweep over him. Eli had made the first move. Eli asked him how his day went and Kurt told him about running into his ex and how awkward it had been. He asked Eli how he was able to maintain a friendship with his exes. Eli told him that it was simple. He was friends with two of his exes and mainly because they weren't really in love. He cared about both of them and loved them as friends, but when it came down to it, he wasn't actually that disappointed to lose them out of his life. But the third, he wanted to be his friend, but it was too hard. 

He explained about how no matter how often he tried to make things right, or extend an olive branch it seemed to blow up in his face. He said that he didn't make it any easier by being unsure of what he wanted either. He said that his latest ex was not an easy relationship. It was amazing, full of passion, and life, and love, but when it ended it hurt more than anything he'd experienced in his life. 

Kurt asked him how he could be ready to move on if it was such an experience. Eli told him that he wasn't sure he was ready, but he was willing to try, because being left alone to think about what had gone wrong and to think about the man that he loved with someone else or also moving on, hurt him more. 

Kurt told him that he understood. Kurt didn't want his ex to move on either. He knew it sounded selfish and probably seriously immature, but he wanted him to realize what a mistake he made and to go back to him. But he was willing to try and move on for the sake of his dignity and for his own happiness. 

Eli told him that the best they could do was try to be happy even when life made you want to crash to the ground and ever get back up. Kurt told him that he was willing to try and asked if Eli was as well. Eli signed off then. 

Kurt felt his heart drop. He felt foolish. He had rushed Eli and didn't meant to. He thought it was Eli's way of saying that they could try moving on together. He realized that maybe Eli was just scared that he wasn't going to be Kurt's type or that Kurt wouldn't be his. Maybe he wasn't ready at all. The thought crossed his mind that he might not even be single or a gay man at all. 

His mind ran with horrible thoughts and possibilities. Eli signed on about fifteen minutes later and Kurt felt like he could breathe again. Eli was quick to apologize for getting disconnected. He told him that his internet had gone down for a few minutes. Eli told him that he was too willing to try and move on. He asked Kurt for his name. Kurt wasn't quite sure about giving his name out, so he told him that they should stick to their nicknames for each other. Eli asked him if it was okay to call him Fiyero, since he just pictured him as the character from Wicked. Kurt told him that it was fine and they agreed to call each other Eli and Fiyero. 

Eli asked Kurt if he'd like to have a date. Kurt nearly had a panic attack at that, until Eli told him that they should both watch their favorite movie over chat and discuss the movie. Kurt happily agreed. Eli told Kurt his favorite movie ever was Anne of Avonlea, which was the second movie from the Anne of Green Gables trilogy. Kurt couldn't help the ache that came over him when Eli suggested it. It had been the reference of Gilbert and Anne that he had made to David earlier. Kurt pushed the thought of David away, and agreed to it. 

That's how he found himself a week later. It was a Friday evening. He had ordered some Italian food from his favorite local restaurant, poured himself some white wine, and sat down to watch the movie. He had his laptop on his lap and as he watched the film he kept looking at the empty spot on his couch. He couldn't help but wish that it was taken. He was enjoying getting to know Eli, but he missed David. He cried as Anne realized that she had loved Gilbert all along and that he was the only one she had ever wanted. It was beautiful and amazing and the most romantic thing he could remember seeing as a young boy. 

He told Eli that when he was younger his mother had watched the films. She had always cried at that part and when she died, he watched the films on repeat. He admitted that when he watches them he feels closer to her. He wanted to admit to Eli that watching the films reminded him of his ex, but he held himself back. It would be unfair to Eli to constantly bring up David and how much he was still struggling with being apart from him.  
Two weeks later, Brody called Kurt and David in a panic. He was going to propose to Elsa, but every time he had something planned something came up. He asked them for some ideas and help in pulling off something romantic and special. Kurt showed up with his wedding book filled with proposal ideas he had gotten off Pinterest. David showed up with alcohol. 

David seemed to be in a good mood, but as soon as he saw Kurt and his book, he started making fun of it and of him. He asked him if one of those was the way that Jeff had proposed to him, or maybe how he hoped Frederick would, or maybe he was just waiting until David met someone new and would steal him away too. 

Kurt hated this side of David. He could tell David was still hurt about everything, but he had lost Jeff and Frederick because of David too and pointed that out to him. David rolled his eyes and told him that it paled in comparison to losing a husband because he risked it all for someone who only wanted to fuck him over. 

Brody tried to get them to stop drinking and to just admit that they missed each other and they were just operating out of place of fear and anger. They told him to fuck off. Brody walked out of his apartment and told them to grow the hell up. Kurt did feel bad about making Brody leave his own apartment, but then David was in his face again telling him that everything that had ever gone wrong between them was his fault. He was the one who abandoned him in high school, he broke their pact of friendship, he drove away Marc and Sebastian and Jamie, and the worst of all he made him think he loved him and ended up hurting him anyway. 

Kurt sat in silence on the couch and just took it. Then Dave dropped down beside him on the couch and sighed,

“What the hell is wrong with us?”

Kurt snorted at that,

“What do you mean? This isn't normal for best friends slash lovers slash mortal enemies?”

“I don't like this. I'm trying to move on, Kurt. I just see you and it drives me crazy. Because I want it to be you.”

“What is the problem then?”

“I don't want it to be you at the same time. It hurts too much when you're around. I see you and all I see and feel is pain. I wish it was different. I wish I could just push this aside like the times before and just be okay with it all, but I can't.”

“And what does that mean, David?”

Kurt could feel the tears starting to well up. He knew what was happening.

“I don't want to be your friend. I can't be your friend. I am sorry about that. I don't want to hurt you anymore.”

“So you want nothing again?”

“I wanted everything with you, Kurt. I wanted it all, but I can't want it anymore when it leaves me feeling like this.”

“I wish I could say that I understand or that it's okay, because hearing that you want nothing to do with me hurts too, David. I wish that we could be friends and go back to the steps in front of NYU. I would gladly go back and take back all my feelings and these past few years, if it meant that we could stay friends. That's how much you mean to me, David. I would rather have you as a friend than not at all. But if what you need is for me to walk away, then that's what I'm going to do.”

David looked relieved and sad at the same time. 

He finally looked up at Kurt,

“I'm dating someone, Kurt.”

Kurt knew he couldn't stop the wave of grief that poured over him when heard those words. He didn't expect that they would hit him so hard though. He felt numb again, just like the day Rachel told him about Dave getting married to Jamie.

He didn't reply but he knew that David was watching him. He wanted to scream at him and the only thing he could think to say was,

“I'm seeing someone too.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, only for a few weeks, but I really like him. He's very nice and we have a lot in common.”

“I'm happy for you, Kurt. I hope you're happy.”

“You too, David.”

Kurt picked up his book and his coat.

“I think it's best if we don't see each other again. It just hurts too much.”

David grabbed Kurt to himself and for a minute Kurt felt like he was at home, like his world wasn't being ripped apart and leaving him bitter and miserable and with a raw, aching heart. He quickly kissed Kurt on the lips and walked out the door, leaving Kurt to sit down on Brody's couch and cry into his hands. 

He had to get over David. He had too.


	20. Chapter 20

 

Kurt went home and sat on his couch for what felt like hours. He felt numb inside and he didn't want to do anything but crawl into bed and never get out again. He called Rachel and instead of saying what he had planned out in his head, he sobbed into the phone. Rachel had Puck get a cab for her and within twenty minutes she was in his apartment and let him cry for hours. He fell asleep with tears on his cheeks and a shattered heart. Thankfully, he wasn't currently doing a show, so he could hole up in his apartment and watch Netflix for days on end. He ended up choosing to watch One Tree Hill and after the first half of the season in, he realized what a mistake he had made, but he suffered through the first two seasons in two weeks. He didn't leave the house, had his groceries delivered, and didn't even turn his phone on. He ignored the door whenever someone knocked or rang the bell and he knew Rachel, Brody, Finn, and Puck had tried at various times to contact him, but he just didn't care. The biggest absence from his life was his conversations with Eli. He truly felt bad for falling off the face of the earth, but he could just not deal with anything in his life at the moment but existing.

Two weeks after the incident as he started thinking about it, he woke up and realized that Rachel's due date was close and he felt bad for not being there for her in her last weeks up to her delivery. He turned his phone back on, deleted all the missed calls and text messages and called her. She yelled at him for twenty minutes, then told him she loved him, and told him to go to her apartment for dinner that night. It was the last friends dinner they'd have for months, since she was being induced the next day. So Kurt dressed in the cutest outfit he could find, shaved for the first time in two weeks and prepared himself for what was sure to be an awkward dinner.

He showed up with a bottle of Chianti for Puck and a Slurpee for Rachel who had been craving them her whole pregnancy. David was sitting in their living room with Brody and Elsa looking at the pictures from the baby shower and he instantly felt butterflies and dreaded the awkward conversation that was sure to follow. Dave nodded at him, but kept his distance and barely made eye contact all night with Kurt. Rachel and Puck suggested some board games and made it a couples challenge. Of course Elsa and Brody and Rachel and Puck teamed up, leaving Kurt and Dave to be partners. This forced Kurt and Dave to interact together and for the first time in a long time, they actually got along and worked well together. They ended up winning and sharing a few laughs. At the end of the night, as Kurt was saying goodbye to everyone, Dave pulled him aside,

“This was actually nice for once, Kurt. It was nice to see you.”

“You too, Dave. Why do you think we were able to work so well together?”

“I think it's because for the first time in years that there's no unresolved tension between us. I think we both have finally moved on. I'm glad too. What we had before was dysfunctional and didn't work.”

Kurt couldn't help the twinge of pain that entered his heart at those words. He simply nodded and turned to leave,

“It was nice to see you, David.”

“You too, Kurt”.

With that, Kurt left and headed home. He could feel the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks but refused to cry over David ever again. David didn't get those anymore. If David had truly moved on, so would he.

He went home and signed on to his computer for the first time in two weeks. He answered a few emails and then signed onto the dating website chat. Eli wasn't on, but he left the chat signed in while he ate some takeout and watched another episode of One Tree Hill on Netflix. Eventually he heard his laptop ping and he sat down to see that Eli had sent him a chat message. It said, “Hey, I've missed talking to you. Glad to see you're back.” Kurt smiled and wrote back, “Thanks. I've been dealing with some personal stuff for awhile, but I'm back and it feels good.” They spent the rest of the night talking until five in the morning and Kurt realized just how much he liked Eli. He was sweet and caring and he gave him great advice. It was nice to have someone to talk to who listened to him and didn't judge and who he could share some of his hopes and dreams with and for the first time in his life, he shared things with Eli that he hadn't shared with anyone, ever. He told Eli that he had dreams of actually writing his own Broadway show, that he had never had a surprise birthday party, that his dream vacation would be to Greece, and that he eventually wanted to get married, have a family, and live in the suburbs. He told him about his love of karaoke and how he was in his glee club during high school and missed it. He told him about how he wanted to replace his mother's headstone at her grave. When she had died his dad didn't have a lot of money and it was small. He wanted to get her a large one and one big enough to fit his dad's name on it. When he had told Eli about it, Eli asked him gently about Carole and if he was sure his father would want to be buried with Kurt's mother. Kurt hadn't had someone challenge him and push him to think about others since David had left his life and he had missed it. Kurt made a list that night of the qualities he needed in a man. His top choices were loyal, steady, kind, compassionate, someone who challenged him to be a better version of himself, someone funny, someone flexible and willing to learn and someone who made him feel safe and secure. The more he talked to Eli, the more he thought it might be him.

 

Kurt went back to work and booked two more shows to costume and one to perform in. When he wasn't working he was talking to Eli on chat and each day he forgot about Dave more and more and thought more and more about Eli and how much he hoped Eli was who he said he was. Eight months passed and then came the fateful message from Eli, “Would you like to meet?” Kurt was terrified that he would turn out to be catfished, but he said yes. They agreed to meet in a small coffee shop in Brooklyn. Kurt would wear a red scarf in honor of Anne from Anne of Green Gables and Eli would wear a pair of suspenders in honor of Gilbert.

 

Three nights later on a Friday evening, Kurt sat in the coffee shop with a delectable salted caramel macchiato and waited for his date. The coffee shop had bookcases and a fireplace and it was a nice shop for people to come in from the bustle of city life and escape. Kurt grabbed Anne of Avonlea and read the part where Anne realizes that Gilbert is the only one she ever wanted and needed. He looked up as the door swung open and his breathe caught in his throat, he thought for a minute it might be Eli, but instead he saw Dave walking in with a thin and very tall man. Kurt sighed to himself. Of course it would be his fate that Dave would show up with a date on the night he's meeting his blind date.

 

Dave smiled at him and walked over. He plopped down in the seat across from Kurt and grinned even wider as Kurt was taken aback.

“What the hell, David?!”

“What? Can't I say hi to my friend, Kurt?”

“We're friends? Since when?”

“Oh, you're funny, Kurt.”

“I'm not trying to be. What are you doing here?”

“Just getting some coffee with my coworker, Neil.”

“Fellow sports agent?”

“Yep. He just moved here and he's _very_ nice and we just got out of a showing of the latest Spiderman movie.”

“Oh, that's nice. Well, I'm actually waiting for someone here, so you need to go.”

“Oh, you have a date? How nice!”

“Yeah, and if you're sitting there he might get the wrong impression.”  
Dave just laughed and got up.

Something about this carefree attitude about running into each other while on dates.

Dave and Neil got their coffee and left and Kurt waited for Eli.

Kurt waited for two hours and Eli never came. He knew he had been set up and he didn't get what he had done wrong. He thought things had been going well and Eli had been the one to suggest meeting and he couldn't figure out why he'd stand him up after talking nonstop for months.

He went home and left a very nasty message to Eli on the site about proper decorum and rudeness and manners and to never contact him again.

Eli sent him a reply that same night apologizing and telling him that he had been stuck at work all night and in meetings and he felt horrible. Kurt calmed down considerably and told Eli that it was okay but he also told Eli he wasn't sure he wanted to meet again for at least a couple of months, because it took him awhile to get his nerve up. Eli told him understood and didn't press the issue further.

A few more months passed where Eli and Kurt shared more conversations, each one more intimate than the last and three months later, Kurt was ready to try meeting Eli again. Kurt was thinking of telling Eli he was ready to meet him, when the invitation came in the mail. It was Sarah's first birthday and Rachel and Puck wanted him to be there. He after all was Sarah's godmother along with David. He went to FAO Schwartz and bought a handful of toys that he was sure Rachel would hate, but Puck and Sarah would love. He got the party a few hours early to help Rachel set up and Dave had already arrived.

As soon as Kurt saw Dave again all the old feelings came rushing back. Kurt really cared for Eli, but he hadn't met him and he didn't know if he'd feel the way about Eli that he did about Dave. It was like a chemical reaction that happened in his body whenever he saw Dave and it was disconcerting and uncomfortable and annoying. And he loved it. He loved that he could feel that way about someone. Dave caused that in him, passion and love and a spark that he had been missing with Frederick and Jeff. He felt it when he talked to Eli and after spending the afternoon at a birthday party, he decided that night he would tell Eli he wanted to meet him. He went over to Dave and for the first time since he could remember things weren't awkward and tense. He asked Dave how Neil was doing and Dave looked confused by that. He said Neil was fine and that he was a good coworker. Kurt asked him if he was seeing anyone and David smiled. It had been awhile since he had seen Dave smile like that and the last time he remember seeing it was the day Kurt had told him he was willing to take a chance on him and their love. Dave said he was currently insanely in love and he was very happy and that it was the best relationship he'd ever been in. Hearing that gutted Kurt, but he kept the smile on his face and told Dave that he'd been seeing someone as well and while he wasn't in love yet, he hoped he would be soon. David just smiled wider and wished him luck.

Kurt went home that night and left a message for Eli:

_Hey, Eli. I just wanted to let you know that the last few months of talking to you have been some of the best of my life. I had a very rocky relationship with someone I thought was my destiny and true love and when it ended badly, I was heartbroken. But talking to you has been a true highlight of the last year. I would like to meet for real and see if our conversations on here can translate to the real world. If you're interested, I'll be at Central Park at the pond on the rocks this Saturday at 11 a.m. If you don't come, I'll assume that you do not wish to take this further and I won't contact you again._

_-Fiyero_

Kurt went through the rest of his week thinking about Saturday morning. This would be the day he'd either make the connection of a lifetime with a potential new love or find out he's destined to be alone and single forever. Friday rolled and around and Rachel called him to tell Kurt what clothes to wear and how to act when he met his new man. Finn texted him with encouragement and even Dave sent him a text message that was a simple, “Good Luck.”

 


	21. Chapter 21- Final

The next morning Kurt bought some coffee and a croissant from a cart at the Park and found a place to sit on the rocks. He had brought along his favorite book, Anne of Avonlea and continued to read the part where Anne realized Gilbert was the only man she had ever wanted and who she truly needed to be happy in life. He was engrossed in his book and didn't realize that someone had come up behind him.

He heard someone clear their throat and his concentration was broken. He looked back and he saw him. He was wearing the outfit he had said he would wear on their first missed date. He was wearing suspenders and Kurt grinned. His eyes started to ear up. He couldn't believe it. In front of him stood a man carrying the same book and grinning back at him with the same goofy expression on his face. It was David. _His_ David. He tried to form words but the only thing he could say was,

“Eli?”

“Hi, Fiyero.”

“But... how?”

“I've known for awhile that you were Fiyero. The night that Neil and I had coffee, I was actually scoping out the potential date. When I saw it was you, I quickly took off the suspenders and hid them in my jacket pocket. I just couldn't do it, Kurt. I was still really hurt and upset about everything that had happened. I didn't want to hurt you that night, but I wasn't ready to introduce myself as Eli, because I wasn't sure how you'd react either. I mean when I did sit down to talk to you, you yelled at me.”

“Yeah, because I thought you were just being an ass!”

“I'm sorry, Kurt. I should have just told you.”

“I'm so confused though, you told me you were seeing someone and told me that you were more in love now than you've ever been before. So, who is this person?”

“Really, Kurt? You are not that stupid.”

From the background a voice popped up,

“He means you, you dumbass!”

Kurt recognized that voice. That voice belonged to Puck.

He looked around and saw them. Rachel, Puck, Brody, Elsa, and even Finn.

He was so confused. He looked at Dave then and Dave just smiled.

“I know you said you'd never had a surprise birthday party before, so I thought I'd do the next best thing I could and give you a surprise “just because I love you” party.

Kurt could not believe how romantic this all was. There were picnic tables set up with picnic food and on each table was a vase of tiger lilies.

Kurt was almost overwhelmed. Dave had done all of this and because he loved him. Dave was Eli, the man who he had shared everything with, the man who he had decided on paper was perfect for him. And he really was. He wasn't perfect by any means, he was obnoxious and stubborn and had a tendency to piss Kurt off like no other man had ever done before, but Kurt loved him more than he'd ever loved anyone and didn't think possible.

They ate a picnic and Rachel kept sending him text messages telling him he had to talk to David for real and not just brush everything under the rug, because of their romantic story.

At the end of the picnic after everyone left, David pulled out a blanket and invited Kurt to sit on it and relax with him.

As they looked at clouds, Kurt finally asked him the questions he had on his mind,  
“So you were at the blind speed dating, weren't you? I swore that I saw you, but by the time I recognized you, you had left.”

“Yeah. I saw you first and I almost walked out, but I had promised Rachel and Brody that I would stick with it. So I did it. When I was done my number one match was _poundthepuck_ and you.”

“I didn't get matched with you at all.”

“Really?”

“Nope. I got _poundthepuck_ too and some other horrible matches. But you were the one I instantly connected with. I mean immediately, it was like we had a connection and I had so much hope for us.”

“Me too. Especially after I realized who you were really were. I think the first time I knew was after that disastrous baby shower for Rachel. You told me things that were too similar to what I had also experienced that day, especially about our fight. After that conversation, I was tempted to just get off the chat and never bring it up again, but then we started sharing things with each other and I learned more about you in those eight months than I ever thought I'd know about you. And you know what I realized, Kurt?”

“What?”

“That I fucking love you. It doesn't make sense most of the time, because of our past and our issues, but I'm never going to stop and I'm tired of fighting it. So I admitted to you that I am more in love than I ever have been before and I'm truly happy. And I mean it, Kurt. I love you more than I love anything else in my life and I'm happy with the fact that I'm not fighting it anymore. I want to be with you and no one but you for as long as I possibly can.”

“Does this mean you're over what happened with Jamie?”

Dave looked sadly at the clouds as the continued to move across the sky,  
“I was a stupid ass with that. I confronted Jamie about what you said after I broke up with you. He admitted everything and agreed to give him the divorce. I was hurt, yeah, but I was also relieved. I ran, because I was afraid that if I didn't and gave you everything, that I would end up hurt and in the end, I hurt anyway. I was miserable without you and I was too stubborn to fix it and I let too many months go by.”

“And now?”

“And now, I want to kiss you.”

Kurt grinned and let him. It was the best kiss he'd had in years and he was truly happy.

They got a text a few seconds later from Rachel that simply said, “Told ya so!”

They both laughed and spent the afternoon kissing and cuddling on the blanket as they cloud watched and talked about their online conversations and how glad that it was each other on the other end.

Things moved pretty quickly after that. Six weeks later, Kurt had just moved his final box into his new apartment with David. He had finally agreed to move in with David after Dave had taken a promotion and wanted a bigger apartment. Kurt didn't want to leave Manhattan, but he was willing to compromise for their relationship and that's how he found himself moving into a loft apartment in Brooklyn. He liked it. It was a very cute apartment and Dave had told him he could decorate it any way he wished to. He unpacked the box of pillows and was hanging pictures when he heard Dave arrive home.

He turned around and saw Dave carrying a bouquet of tiger lilies. Dave gave him the flowers and kissed him deeply. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey.”

“So, Rachel and Puck are having a party tomorrow night. Do you want to go?”

“Sure. That sounds fun. What would you like to do tonight?”

“I actually need to go to Atlantic City for my friend Neil's bachelor party. He's getting married in a few weeks and he invited me.”

“Okay, well have fun.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“Umm, I don't even know Neil, David.”

“I know, but we haven't had a romantic vacation yet with each other and there are some great casinos and hotels. I'm sure we'd have a blast.”

Kurt laughed as David tried to convince him to go on a spur of the moment trip.

Kurt quickly packed an overnight bag and soon they were on their way to Atlantic City.

Kurt spent most of his time at the casino playing slots and eating dessert at every buffet he could find. When Dave got back to their room he had ordered champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries. It was romantic and sweet and Dave and Kurt finally made love for the first time. It was romantic, sweet, and absolutely everything Kurt had dreamed of.

The next afternoon they drove back to the city. Kurt dropped off some drycleaning and picked up a cheesecake to take to Rachel and Puck's party. Rachel had invited all of their friends, including Santana and Brittany who were in town visiting Brody and Elsa. At the party they were paired in couples again and once again David and Kurt crushed the competition. David whispered in Kurt's ear and Kurt brushed bright red.

They quickly said goodnight and as they were gathering their things to leave, Rachel stopped them in the hall,

“You're leaving, already? We just got started!”

Dave just grinned and grabbed Kurt to himself,

“If you excuse me, Rachel, I'm going home to make love to my husband. I don't think anyone wants to see that happen here.”

Rachel's jaw dropped at that.

“Husband? Since when?”

“Last night. We went to Atlantic City for my coworker's bachelor party and we just felt it was right. Neil and the stripper we hired for his wedding served as our witnesses.”

“You had a stripper be a witness to your wedding? What about me!?!?!?”

“Rach, we're sorry, it was honestly last minute and trust me, if we had a huge wedding you'd be in it.”

“I can't believe you got married, _again._ The last time you got married it was a disaster!”

“This time, it's different, Rachel. This time we both wanted this, we weren't drunk, and we are much more grown up. We want this, Rachel and we're committed to making it work.”

“I cannot believe you're married.”

Just as she was musing about their being married, Puck and Brody wandered into the hall and that led to another twenty minutes of them explaining themselves to everyone.

They finally made it home and Dave and Kurt made slow, passionate love as rain began to fall.

A few days later they were sitting at their dining table when Dave answered his phone to find his Grandma Sue on the phone yelling at him for lying to her about Kurt.

Kurt got on the phone and assured Grandma Sue they were in love for real and that they were actually married again, this time for real and that they would be giving her grandchildren at some point in the future.

Grandma Sue hung up with a promise of making more chicken fried steak for them when she visited again.

That night as they were lying in bed with Kurt's head on Dave's chest the radio came on. As they were listening the song came on. They both tensed up as soon as they heard it and then Kurt heard David sigh.

“Everything, Kurt.”

“Everything?”

“Yep. John Mayer got it wrong, it should be 'Friends, Lovers, or Everything', because we truly do have everything.”

Kurt grinned and kissed Dave as the song played on. Everything. Everything sounded great and for the first time since he met David, he couldn't imagine life any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck with me through this story! I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
